Toasty Buns

Is that you John Wayne?

I dont know... Is this me?


Im not sure who Tachae' is anymore. Im really not... I feel like I have been in some weird twisted version of reality like Alice in what the fuck land ... but its just slipped all past me. I get up, I go to work, I work, obviously, and then I come home to leave again and go to the gym (which I am so not doing tonight, Ill get to that later). Isnt there more? Arent there all these adventures, parties and things to do?

Or was that all some bullshit lie from the fairytales and cartoons to numb our brains and make us complacent little jellyfish for the government to poke around with a stick? Because Im pretty sure thats what it was.
ANd IS.

COME ON EILEEN...

Wendy's is by far the worst thing that ever happened to mankind. Period.

I actually enjoy work most days but today was just a holy what the fuck I think my blood hit 105 degrees when speaking with my coworker about things we need to watch for, and they raised their hand and started flapping it at me like a mouth, while telling me they didnt "have" to listen to me, and they would just ignore me.

I think I blanked for a second, literally, that psychotic moment of excuse me? Did you just say that? Here, take this pen, yes it fits just lovely in your eye. All the while smiling a Stepford smile and holding a freshly baked pie in the other.
Because lets face it, nothing says hey what a lovely day like shoving a pen in someones eye and then sharing pie. It all works out.

Seriously. GROW UP. I dont mention names, nor do I speak of where I work ever, so I am quite content to share that with the world.
No one reads me anymore anyways.

My Granny is still going blind apparently... I havent brought myself to be ok with that.
She seems to be giving into it, and that bothers me so much... what happened to the fierce evil granny who punched me in the eye once for not doing my math homework? I have this sense of sadness, like this is what life gives you, you work hard you tough out everything for many years to get SURPRISE HERES SOME BLINDNESS AND IRREGULAR BOWEL MOVEMENTS. Like, thank you for playing better luck next time.

I am coming to this point in my life where all my friends are starting to not be my friends, and the people I thought cared about me, dont. Funny how when I stopped blowing my Grandpa's cash and sharing it all, the partying the free ride, they all just fell off the earth.
Some of them even had the nerve to tell me what a bad person I am. Ha.

I shared and I gave and I loved and then I hit a bad patch and wam! They all walk away like I never existed. It was so predictable, I really put too much trust in those people (and no I dont need them or want them) but it is like a slow death to feel it.

Ive even been called superficial and materialistic (Jamie, the redheaded > < insert whatever name fits best) told me recently how shes got her priorities straight, and some wonderful boyfriend who I hadnt ever met even though they'd been together a year... and how Im "materialistick" and hows shes going to "acheeve" her goals... go back to school and such.
I was angry of course, but as a bit of a joke I told her she might as well spend some money on working on her english skills. You mock my "your you're their theyre" but this is the girl who spells bastard as basterd.

Its so shocking that many of my generation are literally stupid.
Its not just that she cant spell, she really isnt the brightest bulb... why did I spend so many years putting 110% into that? Not sure, it was more that I enjoyed the actual friendship, not the backstabbing, boyfriend-humping hoor she became, or always was.
She stabbed me about many things, but I never called her names, or told her that she'd gained about 50lbs in the last year, because I couldnt hit that low.

Maybe Im just not meant to have anyone around. Im pretty bitchy and miserable lately, which has an intense amount to do with a certain hand flapper. ... but what can I do? I cant let the nasty comments about my personal life just slide off. I never ever comment on what people eat or their weight, because honestly Im not perfect, Ive been heavier its not a fun place to be, and it fucking hurts.

So what do they say to me? I should watch what I eat, and those smoothies are packed with buckets of sugar. Um right. Because that massive ass bowl of pasta you just ate with 2 sides of garlic toast the size of china are just so healthy. And Im a freak because I dont eat meat, I only eat salad, or rice and veggies at lunch.

ITS ALL I LIKE OK?! MAYBE IF YOU ATE ONLY RICE AND VEGGIES YOU'D BE HAPPIER TOO.
I dont make commentary on other people, well only in my head, because I can have these awesome convos with myself, dont even fucking roll your eyes, you all do it too!

Lets not even get into the "dangerous driving report" I got slapped with last week.

Honestly, I am NEVER calling in a drunk driver again.

EVER.

The cops never ever came and snagged any of them, especially someone I knew. They had 2 little girls at home, ended up driving up the front lawn and leaving their goddamned minivan there because they refused to let anyone drive them home.
I followed them for 45 minutes.

45.
And not one cop ever bothered to find them and stop them. Believe me, I dont believe in snitching on friends. Thats so not cool, but she was going to kill someone for sure.
I'd say too bad it wasnt just herself, but then I'd have a whole shitload of Karma just because of her little ones.


Forget it, my Karma is so shitty anyways.
I can remember so many nice, wonderful things Ive done for people... and yet it never seems to find its way back to me.


I dont know where Im going and Im not sure I like that either... or I can just stop wearing VS undies, let my highlights grow out, throw my Gucci pumps on the lawn and start forgetting that any of that shit even matters.

Go full out Marla... buy the dollar dress, have knotted messy hair, smoke like a chimney and hump like a monkey because honestly what the fuck is the point in being everyone elses walking advert?

"Self improvement is masturbation .... self destruction is the answer"