Vegan Pancakes & Organic Blueberries BITCHES

OK, When I get home I'll be blogging about the yearly Vancouver Adventures From Hell.

Right now, I'd like to take this moment to share with you just how much I despise everything getting fucked up and the whole of Vancouver in general.

Please God, when I have gotten my ass outta here, along with various family and friends,

FUCKING SINK THIS PIECE OF SHIT CITY TO THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN. Take it, wash it away and the world will be a better place.

Ok that was kinda mean of me, BUT NO ONE HERE CAN DRIVE, no signalling, no waving, totally rude... worst of all ... they ... tailgate! AGHHH nAAAGGghhh hhhhh hhaaa ! That is the noise I hear myself making when it happens.

There are a few wonferdul ( I mean wonderful) I just cant spell, when Im worked up my ADD and dyslexia get turned 10 fold and I just a wonderful retarded nonsense making bag of Tachie.

I ate dinner at The Foundation last night, a mostly Vegan option resteraunt with my old gf Stacey, and my cousin Janelle... which was awesome. Such good food, totally trendy spot for some, and all the tables are retro 50's garage sale salvages saved and re-done... and it has slogans all over the walls. Very enviro-revolution. I ate there last September when we were here too and it was really YUMMMM but cold as a freezer in there.

This morning I ate at the NAAM and had Vegan Pancakes, with veggies sausages & Organic Blueberry sauce... good God SO good. I never thought vegan food could be so unboring. Yes Im blogging only about my good food to avoid telling you the dramatic garbage can SHIT thats really been going on.

So... driving home tomorrow... cant wait to see kitties, puppies, and the first sign of Calgary will make me so relieved... I may wet myself again.

Long Ass Drive

View Larger Map

This is the drive I'll be starting tomorrow early AM.
STAY TUNED FOR ROADSIDE UPDATES BECAUSE ITLL BE SO EXCITING! I THINK I JUST WET MYSELF A LITTLE!
Fuck... I hate this drive, if its raining I'll kick someone in the junk. Its actually intensely beautiful and long, so . . . long.

I didnt know I was going to miss my puppies this much at all. Oh well, itll be a nice break for all of us. Who Im REALLY going to miss is my CATS! MON CHAT! If only I had a cat who would wear this all the time. MMMmm deliciously evil !

Ok well my fellow turds, I mean bloggers, I'll miss you, I really will... You dont believe me? Oh well, Im off like a prom dress in June!!

Bandwagon Suicide

1. What lines have you used to let someone down gently.

Uhm... who is this? I think you have the wrong number. Yeah, Tachae moved to Guam with some guy.

2. If I gave you $10K to waste, what would you buy.
HOOKERS AND BLOW! ... I mean ....

This is not a question I should be answering, as it is a well known fact that I can make money disappear faster than cockroach in light. Hm, I would say "oh I'll pay off my bills blah blah". In reality, I would have to pay my bills, but I'd really like a sports bike. MMM.. Suzuki.. how you haunt my dreams.



















3. If I gave you $10K, but you had to spend it all on someone else, what would you buy.

I would give it to someone who REALLY needs it, and they could buy what they NEED.

4. If your partner brought a double dildo to bed, you'd be ____________?

Well, goodnight Dear, I hope you have fun with that. Then I'd close my eyes, but I would not roll over. No no.

5. What sounds to you make during sex.

Since my mom reads this blog, I'd have to say screeching monkeys and whatever noises she made when she thought she was being funny on the bed at my birthday hotel room in Banff.


But, I especially love Wil's answer, "Yes, I Have Enough Money, Please Roll Over".


Bonus (as in optional): Tell your worst break up story:

Oh God, I have like a closet full of these.


I think this picture will do the trick.





















(I Hope Your Happy Motherfucker) , written in the stickiest, hardest lip gloss I could dig out of my purse after last years worst relationship. Childish? Maybe. Satisfying? Indefinitely.

Changes

Ok, so I want to make a few changes to this blog, and maybe SHOW SOME MORE SKIN, I mean please my readers... I mean... nevermind.

So in your opinions what should go, what should stay and what should be done?

IM WAITING HERE.

Helloooooo.

Oh and this is my new favorite song,

'Not An Angel' - City Sleeps



"
will be waiting right here
Only to roam
When the bells chime like there is no tomorrow (and you're gonna take me home)
Never gonna ever gonna belong to another, no
Never gonna ever gonna belong to another, no

Leave me alone I am not an angel yet

My candle shines at night time through the dawn
But my darling you have fallen and don't belong (and I can't carry on)
My candle shines without a doubt
But the wind in your wings blows them out
And for my arms it is too late
And your wings are gonna have to wait

Never gonna ever gonna belong to another, no

My candle shines without a doubt
But the wind in your wings blows them out
And for my arms it is too late
And your wings are gonna have to wait

Leave me alone I am not an angel yet (not an angel yet)

Leave me alone I am not an angel yet

Best Caption Attempts Please

Personally, I think both are equally disturbing.

Not A Joke

Ive really been missing my Grandpa lately.

I cant even begin to explain how it sometimes hits me so hard in the chest that I cant run to him and be saved anymore. I got used to it a long time ago, that there wouldn't be many people to pick me up when I needed it, and its just becoming more of a painful reality.

I was in the ER room at Foothills hospital last night with a friend, her boyfriend had his face slashed open, which ended up in me driving there in the middle of the night, it was not a fun trip believe me. I felt terrible for the guy, but my night needed to end.

I came in and it struck me that this particular room is somewhere I never want to be again. I had been there since my Grandpa died, I had never broken down or gotten that claustrophobic feeling that I did last night.

All I could think standing there with Megan while she talked about Jon, was... he came through in an ambulance, right through that hallway, he died somewhere back there (officially) and theres that Quiet Room I was in. Where I threw my tantrum, yelled at the doctor to bring him back, if you're a doctor why cant you bring him back?

I felt like the air had been sucked out of my chest and that everything was getting smaller. I could SEE the way he looked laying in the room with a blanket pulled up under his arms over his chest, his face purple and bruised from the heart attack. I remembered begging him to come back for just a few minutes. Please fucking please!! Why is God so cruel to not even let me say my Goodbye?!

I remembered how his hands were still warm to the touch and I told myself he might just be sleeping but no. He was definitely gone and never coming back. It was Not A Joke.

I left assuring her that I'd come back if she needed, Im only a 2 minute drive away, but I secretly wished I'd never have to step back in there. It IS an ER room, which doesnt mean happy times, but to me its a cold, damp, seeping darkness that tries to swallow me whole when Im in there.

I tried, I really did. But now all my tough girl act is dwindling, and Im scared. Im so scared to grow up and move on, without him to be my Grandpa, to support my dreams (even when he knew I was so so wrong) and just to talk to him. I would give anything to hear him call me Tach, just once more.

I dont give a fuck who throws this in my face, but I REGRET NOT LISTENING MORE. Even just the extra minutes he asked for, when I was always too busy being a teenager, too busy being that know it all grown up little bitch.

Cathy Mccarthy
October 8 at 11:55am
Hey Tachae', Noticed on your blog that you were remembering your Granpa's B-Day. You know, t's been 7 years ince /dad died and Jan 20thof every year I make asupper that was his favorite and we have a birthday cake ,too. Good memories, that's what counts

Cathy Mccarthy
December 29 at 12:46pm
You know what Tachae'? You are never going to stop missing Him. That is normal, but when you're missing Him, try real hard to think of happy thoughts that will make you laugh. Then it's a little easier.

* Isnt it a little morbid I use Cathy's messages, when shes gone too? *

I know hes forgiven me, that even with his last breath I was on his mind, and he forgave everything a long, long time before that moment.

I just dont know if I can find it in my own heart, to forgive myself.

Congratulations

A good friend of mine (at least, I'd like to think we're good friends, or even just friends)

Is getting married todaaay, and I'd like to say Congratulations to Arthur & Jen. Hes an amazing guy who found the perfect girl.

Now, if only I could show up tonight and do a drunk toast, mumble incoherently and pass out under someones table...

Salespeople Are Sewer Rats In Disguise

This post is for that little needledick at Guess.

I went to the mall with J. to just peruse and window shop, Im really not interested in blowing money right now. Honest. Well maybe just a tiny bit...

So we go into Guess to try on shoes and just look at all the stupid expensive trinkets of consumer heaven.
I start off this little fuck up by holding up a leopard print stilleto heel (which not in a fucking million years will I wear but Im having fun ok) and I said "Do you have the other one?" and he mumbles something about it, and skittered off to get it.
As Im trying it on, he starts his push.

"They look good. You Should Get Them."
This guy must be maybe 17? 18 at the most. I dont need a spindly shrinkdink to tell me what looks good on MY feet. I gave him a look that said maybe you should stop opening that hole in your face,
and said "Your a guy, you have to tell me nice things when Im trying them on."

He got snotty defensive and adamantly told me hes the only guy who works there, and he never tells people lies.

Uh sure buddy, because you know whats funny, if youd stop sniffing Guess brand perfume in the back for about 5 minutes, the other guy I KNOW who works at that store is actually a really awesome nice person. Hes never been pushy with me, and always makes me feel good in anything too... the guy said because he's gay he doesnt count as a guy. Im so homophobic but I went to bat for him, and I said yes, but Ive never been treated badly by him so maybe shut your mouth.

"You know, you should buy them, Because if you dont, SOMEONE ELSE WILL. That will make you sad, and I dont like to see girls being sad."

EXCUSE ME? Uh Hellooo... Im trying on a pair of shoes, not a fucking wedding dress you little wanker.
Dont tell ME what will make ME sad or happy. Leopard print stilletos, although 40% off, will not make me happy. GOT IT?

He said he'd leave us to decide, I put the box down and looked around, muttered asshole and beelined for the doors, WHERE HE AMBUSHED US FROM BEHIND SOME PURSES!! AGGHHH.... ITS LIKE NAM!! LITTLE COMMIE BASTARD!!!!

We managed to make it to the door without being attacked by that little rat person any further.

That is the VERY LAST TIME I let a saleperson as sleazy as that come closer than 50 ft.
In fact, I'd like a restraining order.

Kids, say no to sniffing glue, and consumerism.
You'll become like him.

IS IT? Injuns... Part 1

Wow... why am I not surprised.
Every time I'm in NHC, I see Injuns bein' arrested and screaming "I WASNT STEALING! ITS MINE!"
Would our government please kick them off the welfare wagon and stop paying billions for treaties 200+ yrs old? That would be super thankyou. In the meantime I'll continue to be amused.

The.Day.From.HELL.

It started out pretty good, in fact I was ok getting up and playing with the puppies in the freezing rain, IN my PJ's... that didnt even get to me. I showered, got laundry done, and decided to go visit a friend to show them my demonic balls of fur (puppies) which of course were so well behaved in front of her... this doesnt happen often so I had to take glee that neither them or Kota tried to eat any random person. I fully expected a growl, or hair to go up on her back when she saw a certain person, but not one move, just really good. Which I expect from Ko-Bunny, but sometimes she gets a little unhappy with people.

I tried to get the things done that I REALLY needed to... Dog food to be exchanged, and other items to be found.
Petcetera is the worst run operation I have had the misfortune of being near. I went in to the one close to me and asked if I could return a bag of food Shane bought, which was the wrong one. They told me no, they couldnt take it back and only the store it was purchased from could take it back. They said it would mess up their inventory. It didnt make sense, I felt it was a cheap excuse.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING?!! I left angry, hauling the 85 Lb bag of food with me.
I drove all the way to the NE location, off of 32nd. Holy SHIT. I go up and tell the girl I'd like to return it, so I can buy a different one they dont have at this location. Explaining my story as I went, she said oh just try to find it in the back ( I knew they didnt have it, but I looked anyways). I came back up and she called her manager up to talk to me, they checked and checked but nope, no bag of food. Not the type I NEEDED. I KNEW THIS. No matter how hard I protested, they just said to try a different kind.
Does anyone KNOW what will happen if you change a dogs food? Lots and lots of shit. Its horrible for the dog, and even more for your sense of smell. Its not pretty.

I just insisted I get my refund and go to the store I KNEW ALL ALONG had what I needed.
Instead of a refund, the girl took money OFF my debit. uHHH I noticed right away it said purchase, she insisted not, and after pushing to see the manager again, she called but gave the excuse that she might not come back so I should probably just go. Uh what ? You just fucked up, I purchased instead of being refunded? And now Im not getting money for spending double the money, for NOTHING? FOR AIR MAYBE? Being almost livid at this point, and wanting to start going nuclear, I did my pinchy angry face and did the death look only my Mother can perfect.

Manager and Regional Manager came up to assist in finding out what happened, and as the poor cashier (I actually feel bad for her) gave her untrained excuses on what happened. The 2 Managers seemed pretty choked, but the guy didnt give me one apology. WTF? You could say,

" Im sorry you've had such a hard time with our company today, please take my wallet and this pack of gum to make up for our redundant incompetence." Well ok maybe he wouldnt do that, and the nonexistent apology would have been sufficient. I should also mention, I was told PETCETERA IS PETCETERA. Regardless of location, stores can exchange or refund. They were simply lazy and gave the inventory excuse.

I left, money refunded but my sense of trust for this company definitely missing.
I drove straight back to the NW Petcetera, walked my way to the back and grabbed the bag I needed. I came back up and found the girl who had previously denied me, who is morbidly obese and is never really IN the store, I usually see her outside smoking and hanging out with other loserish looking people, and informed her of my unfortunate situation, raised my voice and told her PETCETERA IS PETCETERA!! YOur Regional Manager has JUST told me SO.

She stared at the floor while another "employee" scurried up to the counter and told me she was right blah blah blah. LISTEN, FUCKFACE, I AM THE CUSTOMER. YOU DO NOT TALK BACK TO CUSTOMERS!! I DONT CARE IF I SHIT ON YOUR COUNTER, YOU FUCK OFF AND SHUTUP.
I told him off, and walked out with my bag of food, as you cant get it anywhere else.

I was so lividly upset at this point when I stormed out to my truck. I got to my moms, to get the pups, when this dillhole in a Jeep Liberty gets upset at someone in traffic and decides to make a statement by speeding up and driving off as.fast.as.he.can. IN A FUCKING MUDPIT FULL OF ROCKS AT THE ENTRANCE TO THE ALLEY I WAS PULLING INTO.
Leaving my hood full of rocks and my windsheild FUCKED.

DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW MUCH I VALUE THAT HUNK OF METAL? MY KEY AIM IS TO KEEP IT IN AS BEST CONDITION AS POSSIBLE. NOT TO HAVE SOME MORON FUCK IT UP. Might I mention he lives one house over from my moms? I pulled up behind him and yelled as he got out of his Liberty, "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING? YOU JUST FUCKED UP MY HOOD?!!!"
He stared at me, and said "yeah sorry" shrugged his shoulders and went in his house.

I flipped out and went upstairs muttering obscenities at him and the world in general.
He came out as I was leaving and walked up to "give me a better apology". I ranted a bit in his face and drove off. I couldnt even deal with one more thing, one more person or one more peice of bullshit. I am so ready to crumble, explode or strip near naked and scream like a crazy banshee lady on the hood of someones car. IN THE RAIN.

Thats my day. Its not over yet, I fully expect rabid Butterquirrels to invade my house, devour my insides and drag my carcass back to Hell with them. If it could get any worse, please let me know.

=(

3 Minutes after writing this, I dropped my sandwich on the floor next to my computer.
NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! FUCK!!

Horoscope For May 22, 2008

Tachaé,
This is a time to focus on getting the facts straight if you can ... very carefully. Today is a good day to meet new people and form new relationships. Your charisma is quite high today, and this will make meeting others much easier. Surround yourself in strangers, but look at them as friends.

OH WOULD YOU FUCK OFF. HOROSCOPES LIEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Best Caption Wins Secret Cereal Box Prize

I AM THE QUEEN OF THE CREAM PUFFS!!

There was once a sad day in the time of being a teenager suffering from ADD, I may or may not have jumped around an ER room ranting that with a fellow crazy girl... Only to make a friend feel better about being hospitalized... also we wanted to be admitted with her ... we might have gone to a different ward, but who cares. Wouldnt you prefer your child to be slightly crazy than out being a crack fiend? Thats what I thought. Now shutup, I have important things to talk about. Yes that means you.



The last couple days have been a scary blurr. I havent felt good, and when I stand up I get this pain in my head, along with bouts of dizziness. It also feels like someone jammed my right ear with tinfoil and condoms. Its not a fun time at all... and Im getting more miserable, whiny and crybaby as the minutes go by. Everyone must think Im just an attention seeking whore, but oh Im much more than that... and my ear really does mess with my balance... falling out of bed was less than funny let me tell you.

I first feared I was going deaf. I love music and that would be the worst possible punishment for me. Now Im sure its just an ear infection or water trapped in there somewhere... go to a doctor you say ? Why so he can feel me up again? Quakky perverts. I think not, Sir! I dont care what they say about checking your lungs, and heartbeat. Im alive arent I? Im breathing arent I? THEN STOP TRYING TO TOUCH MY BUBBIES OR ILL SCREAM BLOODY MURDER!!

Yeah Ive got issues with doctors. My uncles a doctor, but hes got to be the only one that doesnt freak me out... most of the time... he is a wee bit quirky... he went after Shanes ear with scissors to take his stitches out, and made little gnawing noises while he did it, and Shane having just met him didnt know thats just how he is, looked about ready to cry... I love it when boys cry, I really do.

Moving along, this ear thing blows. So someone please fix it. Like, I mean fucking now. I meant yesterday when I say now.

I also realized why I dont go in malls anymore, even though I am like a purse/shoe collecting squirrel, I dont even like going into those evil lifesucking vortexes called "malls"... its all a facade... but really just a money sucker... Kind of like a hooker but your really not getting anything in return, I guess its like a girlfriend.

I have less and less tolerance of people. I went to Dairy Queen to get a shake after my walk/waddling jog-run with Megan. I put my drink down so I can grab my keys, and when I look up theres this freakish woman wearing glasses that made her look that much more bug eyed. I have fucking issues when people stare. Its worse than my road rage, worse than my hatred of Spongebob (you little douchie-tampon... I hate you) and it ANNOYS. THE. SHIT. OUT. OF. ME.

I stared at her for a second, like is this a joke? What the fuck are you looking at?

I contemplated giving her and everyone in the food court something to look at but chose to go back to my business... I cleaned up what spilled from my drink, walked around to the garbage, and she did the same. Uhm...

ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH ME OR DO YOU JUST HAVE A PROBLEM? Because I was so ready to dump my shake on her face, only to blind her so I may flee to my vehicle.

Im not that ugly, in my opinion mostly, and I wasnt wearing anything that entitled a stare, maybe I should have put pants on today I guess... Hmmm... later.

The point is, if your going to stare, back it up motherfucker because I am willing to waste $5 worth of fruity shit on your head to make a point.

STOP LOOKING AT ME! WITH YOUR BUGGY EYES! AGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Then again maybe I deserve it sometimes...

hum hum hum I AM QUEEN OF THE CREAM PUFFS lala hum hum.

Both of these pictures made that statement so much more awesome, and I couldnt even choose. SO TWICE THE HORROR!!! Arent you glad you read my blog ? No? Well.. ok, but thats not my fault. Its yours.

Love At First Sight

Shes soft, built lightweight and never says no.

But... shes costly... as I stood in WalMart (yes I shop there so sue me Ive gotten cheap plus its got amazing deals on everything) and I contemplated wether it was worth it, because the tantalizing commercials haunted me while I cleaned my house. Since I went crazy and got 2 more fur balls to add to my already insanely hairy life, I needed her. She would be my saviour of cleanliness. So I spent the stupid $10 for a 5 pack (yeah I dunno that seems steep) and now we're going to live happily ever after dusting away and away.

Yeah Im kinda weird. I know.

In other news, I emptied my purse today. If I could show you all a picture of the horror that had amassed itself in that small space in the last month... you would never read my blog again.

I have to wonder if theres a magical portal in there somewhere, because shit goes in and no matter how much I dig for it, its not there, I shake it out, dig in all the corners, and no dice. Nothing. But.. there was no less than 3 different mascaras, 12 different coverups,foundations, and about 7 eye shadows, and 10 lip glosses, lipstick and balms. I need to be fully equipped in case of emergency and all.

3 Months Later!!! The fucking receipt I needed shows up in there. Dont ask me how because I KNOW I ripped that thing open to find it, and it was no where. So I have no choice but to believe Gnomes have a little secret portal that they open up when Im not looking and they take things back to wherever for examination. Bastards. I'll get you.

Especially with a purse like this, you'd think I'd bother to take care of it, right? Nah. Like my Mother says, "dont give her anything, she'll just throw it on the floor. Yeah that means that Prada gatorskin bag you brought her back from the US? You should just give it here, I'll take good care of it."

Well my moms not into gatorskin, but I did wreck one of those bags kinda... I snapped the zipper off and its pretty much unfixable. The point is, I have commitment issues with those sort of things. Yeah the picture from Guess's site isnt that awesome, and it comes with a heavy ass chain peice that is completely uncomfortable, but I actually love this bag... looks much better up close and personal (if yaa know what I mean). Yeah I've got some love affair with inanimate objects lately... swiffers... purses... lawn gnomes... Im cool like that.

You HAVE to watch this video. I know Im a total geek, but its Paul Brandt - Alberta Bound and even though its country it hits close to him, being from Alberta and all... it shows the highway I take to my Grandmas, the Burmis Tree, and the Crow mountain... which are all really big parts of my childhood and growing up... and its pretty much all the Crowsnest Pass in that video... doesnt really show any other part of AB which is just fine with me... YES IM A WEEPY GEEK WATCH THE FUCKING VIDEO.

All Because I Have A Uterus & Its Evil

I went to see Harold & Kumar tonight, and having been given basically no choice in the matter, because THE MEN DECIDED IT WOULD BE SO ... I had to pretend to be the lesser sex and allow it. Just this once.
No, I didnt even secretly want to see the new Narnia movie, so shutup.

I was in a pissy mood by the time I got to Shanes friends apartment. Now, Aubrey and Chantelle, whom I call Jay Leno's love child because of her insanely enormous chin face, have recently split up. Making Aubrey hate the uterus carrying gender more than I've ever had the misfortune of witnessing.

Aubrey is now a uterus-hating-bike-riding-jackass. I have to be kinda nasty, and Im sure SOMEONE isnt going to like me saying that, but the guy did everything in his power to make me feel totally unwelcome in his place and presence.
Right from the second I walked up, seeing them on the balcony, I had this feeling it just wasnt going to be fun.
Then I asked if he had anything to drink, like pop or something. "I dont drink pop". WELL LA DEE FUCKING DA MR. HEALTH NUT OF THE UNIVERSE. He could have been a decent host and said "why heres some iced tea madam, would you like a straw and perhaps a dick shaped ice cube, much like my head? "

But no, I was given the evil eye as I poured the last bit of his PRECIOUS iced tea into my cup, and into my obviously undeserving tummy. Being a woman, with a uterus and ovaries, automatically makes me evil you know. Then after awkward silences, some Chantelle, I mean Jay Leno's love child, bashing, I suggested we go to Melrose and play pool or just do something. It was the long weekend, I didnt really get much fun in, lots of life stuff going on and I just wanted to enjoy the weather.

"Why would we do that. Why? " Everything I said this guy COCK blocked me. I complimented his apartment. "Yeah. Gone next month!" Because oh joys of joys. Hes moving in with a good friend of mine.
Wow... it would take an absolutely daft person to not feel the woman hating tension in the room.

Even my dogs didnt like this guy, which he then took glee in scaring them... I wanted to push him off his bike, jump on him, kick him a few times and then steal the bike. Like, he was such an immense prick I had this I almost feel bad for Chantelle moment (it passed quickly I assure you)... and I dont like her, at all, so feeling bad for her and her gargantuan chin is a far reach for myself.

It kinda hurt, I mean even Dave was treating me like a piece of shit too... which isnt too abnormal but usually when its just our group (as in people who arent huge pricks for a living) he treats me half decent. I should mention at this point, his recent ex and Aubrey's recent ex are both living in his apartment together until they move. Thats a bit of a WTF moment to me and all but whatever.

And you know, its like an airborne disease. Once one guy hates the child-bearing-species, the rest of the males pick up the scent of the kill and its done.

Game. OVer.

Harold and Kumar was actually pretty funny though... I mean alot of love for weed was expressed, (bad facial impression) President Bush smokes some, and there is a fair bit of nudity, and shit to begin with. Literally. Shit. I think I saw the whole movie in the first minute.

It made me laugh and it was good... but it just never seemed to end... and with that kind of movie, there really isnt any point, I mean they had a goal to reach, but they both kept fucking it up royally. Neil Patrick Harris ends up branding a hooker ... which should tell you something.

So in short, terrorism, unicorns, no-pants parties and alot of mutha-fucking weed was involved.
Not a bad movie I give it a 4 star. Oh also, lots of racial bashing, I kinda liked that... not the racial bashing, but when they each took the stabs and lived up to them it was fucking hilarious.

You'll have to numb your brains for a few hours and if your going to watch that kindve movie you'll probably be high anyways. Oh yeah, and they spend a total of 5 minutes in Guantanamo Bay, so I have no idea why they named the movie that.

So that was my night, learned Im evil because I posess ovaries... and that Harold & Kumar are morons. Especially Kumar.... oh and that people in Alabama may look like country yokels, but really have nice houses on the inside, with inbred sons they lock in the basement. =) Just Kidding. You know who you are, if you bothered to read this far.

Well enough of my ranting... I guess I know how guys feel when I flip out after a breakup.

Uhm...

Can I ask, just what the fuck is wrong with any woman who finds that clock wearing, black-assed midget even REMOTELY attractive?

Because I sure as hell dont.

Tell Me Who She Is & You Get A Cookie

Hollow

I look at my inbox and its full of messages from you,

it feels like your still alive and maybe just maybe if I send you a message you'll send one back but I watched you die watched your heart stop and I know there wont be anymore messages.

I have to look away and pretend I cant see your picture right there next to each message just so I dont cry everytime.

I cant even delete a single one, because even though its not you, its some part of whats left you in my memory and I cant let go. Not even for a second.

I tried so hard to be so strong and hard on the outside, pretending your death hadnt gotten to me. Not one bit. Everyone keeps saying sorry and oh how sad.

I dont want to hear it. I just want you back where you belong, which is here with us.

Because Im Selfish.

Cliff Yablonski - Page Something

I didn't know if chunkmonster Eddie Burton could swim, so I tossed his ass into the creek while I took the liberty of liberating his wallet and wife's panty collection. It turns out shit not only stinks, but it also sinks.

Gothic Gary and his Boston Baked Bean friend try to protect their alcohol from me. I AM A GODDAMN WAR VETERAN AND IF I WANT TO DRINK A FUCKING BEER OR 19 FROM YOUR HOUSE, THAT'S MY GODDAMN RIGHT BECAUSE I FOUGHT IN THE MUD FOR YOU WORTHLESS CRETINS WHILE YOU ALL SAT AT HOME AND WATCHED "LET'S MAKE A DEAL" AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF THAT GREASY HAG BROAD DESERVED THAT FRIDGE WHEN MINE'S ABOUT 40 YEARS OLD AND HAS TO BE POWERED BY FREON THAT I STEAL FROM THE MEXICANS.

A shirtless goth outside during the day? If the sun doesn't make him catch fire I'm sure my 100 proof whiskey and a book of matches can.

> I love Cliff Yablonski at SomethingAwful.com.... Ive been reading these occasionally since high school its never ceased to make me laugh, yes at the expense of others ...

A Closed Mouth Gathers No Foot

When I saw that sign on 40th Ave at the Classic Mouldings ... place... they always have a different quote every couple weeks.
I thought to myself, ha! I never say anything to warrant a foot in the mouth... Or do I?

Lo and behold... I do... so after eating a humble pie by way of a kick in the ass, I have tried to right my wrongs and cross my legs. Mostly.

For whatever reason, because I belong to the strange purse&show (SHOE, SHOE, not SHOW, fuck am I dumb and I just caught that after posting it this morning) collecting species, I occasionally lose my mind. I do things I swore to never do again, I say things to people I dont mean, and I have the tendency to think I AM better than most people (in this city anyways, come on, Calgary sucks).

Ive been psycho frustrated with alot of things lately... there is so much coming up, and so little time to get it all done in.
My best friends brother (who Ive known since I was like 2) is getting married this weekend... he invited me without her suggestion, which should have said he ACTUALLY wants me there... like WOW... instead I read it as a pity invite. Ive never felt close to him, not in years anyways, not like a friend.
Nor have I particularly even spoken to him recently, or met his fiance. There were a few other reasons for me shying away from the event.
I love their family. They are amazing people for the most part, close knit, tough, and always enough room for anyone else, so its not that.

I just... dont want to be there. Its not just affording the drive to Chilliwack,BC, but along with not feeling awesome the last few weeks, and having a few emotional ups and downs, I was told by another person 'do not come'. She said it kinda harshly, and I havent really talked to her since, which also spurned my recent hate for alot of Christianity and religon on a whole. Like how can you say youve loved me as a friend, you pray for me, when I tell you Im down, I dont believe in God the same way I used to and I kinda feel like Im in a dark place.

All she said was she felt I should not be present. I also stated an adopted person to the family is a die-hard enemy of mine, I havent been able to stop hating her since I was 15. She has a horrible, childish temper and it flies off at the wrong moment, and it DISGUSTS ME. I should let the hate go, and learn to forgive right?

Except, with HER there is no forgiving in my mind. She dumped her daughter in foster care, only to not even try to get her back, just so she could be with some loser. Who ended up leaving her 5 months pregnant now. Might I also mention the first kid isnt even 1 until August?

I SAID this would happen. I swore to everyone she was garbage, and would treat the child like a peice of trash. Everyone went gooey and soft with her, said she'd "changed" and she was going to be such an awesome mom BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Look what happened...
I actually hate getting satisfaction out of that statement, but I AM ALWAYS RIGHT.

I have to regretfully say, out of my personal and profound hatred of this girl, I will not attend.
I feared her flying off the handle and attacking me (which happens more than you know) and I would most likely beat her face in, thus, ruining his wedding. Which isnt fair. Not that I usually beat up pregnant ladies, buT believe me... she ever hits me from behind again, and itll end up like the last time she tried that ... 8 girls and 1 guy dragging me off of her and me still kicking for more, while she whined and cried on the floor.

When it really comes down to it, I never back down, I never attack from behind and I never let go until Im damn good and ready. If thats what Im going to Hell for, then so be it.

So instead of getting down to the real problems I'll just blame her. It feels better.

Lords Of Acid - I sit on Acid ... pretty damn good song.

Marla... Infectious Human Waste

Somewhat Explicit Content.

So Im An Asshole

In a previous post, in which I was being heavily sarcastic, well ok this is the Internet... sarcasm doesnt come off well on it.

I stepped on some toes rather hard and all I want to say is... Im sorry. I didnt mean to come off all self righteous and holier-than-thou. It was more of a rant against the fact that I protested showing tooo much only because I want ratings for me, not my t n' a.

Im an asshole and Im really sorry.

=(

Species

Women : the strange, emotional, purse & shoe collecting species. Thankyou, Dr. Heff McGraw.

Since I know you were all impatiently waiting for me to post again so your lives could continue (yeah right I know), and as I sit here and try to think of what to tell you how to do today, I mean ... STUFF! We all like stuff, and Fudgesicles. I know I do.

Has anyone happened to notice the cyclones, earthquakes and other disasters hitting Asia right now? This seems far too big to be a coincidence.

Mother Nature? Or the governments paying Gnomes to hit little buttons under the Earth to wreak havoc and destruction on people? I kinda like the Gnome idea myself... its far more entertaining and happy than to think we have to leave ourselves to the mercy of an over emotional round woman who is c0nstantly drilled and raped of her resources.

>If Isabelle would quit fucking barking in my ear, I would be able to write, instead I'll have to give her menacing looks and threaten with the kennel until it stops<

Im no Earth-saving-hippie-queen but I do hate that I breathe death and smog everytime I leave my house. I taste dirt and oil whenever I put my window down in traffic and what solutions do we have? Honestly, turning lights off and using **TIDE COLDWATER** (which I dont, I use cheap Purex that smells like Happy Fairies Melted Down) wont save us. I think we're all pretty doomed at this point, so let me ask you, is this why all the earthquakes and cyclones amongst other disasters are slamming coastal areas left right and center? I will admit, while reading the paper over my breakfast today, I thought quietly to myself, Better You Than Me. Sounds kinda cruel doesnt it?

I foresee a horrible cyclone hitting Calgary if anymore fucking immigrants move here to set up shop with 17 children and 48 assorted relatives PER HOUSE. I cant even begin to explain how angry that makes me. THEY ARE OUTBREEDING US. ITS A CRIME. NAAAAH!! (and Gnomes dont like em much either).

But technically Im an immigrant too.. BUT IM AMERICAN/CANADIAN. Its almost the same!! I didnt sneak across an ocean in the bottom of a boat so I could sell drugs to the children of Canada or the US, nor do I have any relatives who have names that start with Mohammed, Achbar, ACHHMED or anything like that. Durka Durka Jihad. Keep the hairy beast genes out my pool... I dont pee in yours dont ... infect mine.

I guess I am a horrible person, that I'd like to live in a world where even if I had to breathe shit air and put up with a little overcrowding, but never get shot at. Does anyone feasibly see an end to all the Madness in this world? How can people feel ok bringing more babies into this world when all you see is Chaos, Death and Pain? It makes me want to dig a bomb shelter and eat canned food for the rest of myself to never have to look at it again.

I got a little off topic from the beginning, but this is what you get when your mom does crack while eating Fudgesicles you know... ADD, or ADHD "is just an excuse not to do your homework" is what I was ALWAYS told, but you know what a doctor, a counsellour and every goddamn teacher, or even person I've ever met has said? "Do you think its possible that you might have ADD?".

No.Fucking.Shit.You.Dont.Say. What I really started out with, was the whole madness of button pushing Gnomes under Asia... How can they say we'll be overpopulated when the world just downed something like 40,000 in the last few weeks? If this keeps up, we'll have to find somewhere else to get our brand name shit. No more child labor shops... maybe thats what everyones so upset about... the economy is doomed!! DOOOM!!!! DOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!! (invader zim... I watch too much of it)

Now I must go ready myself to breathe shit air and whatever poisons that are floating around the city of Calgary. My friend insists on making me run with her, and wants me to do a boot camp fitness class later in the summer.... ugh... the fat cells are screaming in protest as I think about it. But you know, it'll take me a step closer to not being called the elbow-diseased-pudgy-freak-child by my Grandma. Oh how I love your wittyisms. What would I do without the criticism? And considering Im really not that bad off, hearing that I am constantly has infected my brain so no matter what, I'll be bouncing along no matter what I weigh.

THATS RIGHT!! I ATE CREPES COVERED IN WHIP CREAM AND SAUCY BLUEBERRIES FOR BREAKFAST AND I CAN TELL YOU EXACTLY WHERE IT WENT!!! I mean.. that ... in a totally not gross way. It will probably make this running thing a little harder though. Running schmunning. I shall walk and be left behind, because I'd rather walk and live than run and die on your lawn. Yes yours.

I HATE PANTS. yes I do.

GangStaRR's & GrandMA's

So whats with all these gang shootings in Calgary?

There is a reason I STOPPED reading the newspapers here. Because EVERYTHING FUCKING SUCKS.

Page One... Whole Family Dies In Car Accident. Family dog survives though.
Page Two... Gang Related Shooting Kills 19 Yr Old. 17 Yr Old in critical condition.

Excuse the fuck out of me? This shooting happened in VARSITY of all places, we're talking the white, bmw driving, peachy little neighborhood with people who mow the lawn on Saturdays and have tea parties.
Also ... in the middle of the day. The VERY next day, in my old neighborhood on the corner of 64thAve and 52nd St. NE, there was another drive-by that my friends dad witnessed. No one got hurt, but who the fuck is giving all these morons guns?

So later on in the paper it makes a list of all the shootings that have happened in the last year, 9 out of 10 were Asian and there was one East Indian name on the page.
This brings me to my next question,

WHY THE FUCK ARENT IMMIGRATION LAWS GETTING STRONGER? WHY DO WE CONTINUE TO POLLUTE OUR CITY WITH GARBAGE?

You think I want to drive to the mall at 1 in the afternoon and get shot by some punk trying to be A FUCKING GANG-STARR.
I realize why alot of people join them... to belong to something, rebel against society and be feared by many.
Power.

Only it makes me fucking sick. Take the gang shit back to LA motherfuckers. I actually LIKE rap music, does this make me a gang banger? Gonna have to take out mah 9 and blast some piiiigs.
No. I think people need to seriously start disciplining their crotch spawn a little more, maybe stop babying your little drug addicts and give them some real parenting, AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE WE WOULDNT HAVE TO FEAR GOING TO THE FUCKING MALL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY BECAUSE OF YOUR LITTLE LOSER BASTARD MIGHT SHOOT ME.

Come on people, this is Calgary, not South Central. I just see all these Asians, East Indians, and the occasional White guy OOPS PC ... I mean CAUCASIAN persons... bringing stuff from THEYRE country and THEYRE problems.

IM SICK OF IT!! I AM SICK OF NOT BEING ABLE TO GO ANYWHERE FOR FEAR I'LL BE CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF SOME FREAKS LITTLE SPAT.

WIPE EACH OTHER OUT AWAY FROM ALL OF US GANGBANGERS!

Ok so anyways... In more pleasant news, I took my Grandma for breakfast for Mothers Day. She was her usual cheeeeery self and made a fuss that the waitress brought too much food. The woman glares at every bite I take I swear to God. She thinks we all have elbow disease and worship at the altar of food... Just because I dont weigh as much as a skeleton with skin, means I MUST be a disgusting ball of pure LARD.

Dont get me wrong, my Grandmas totally awesome, when shes not calling me just a little too tubby, shes pinching me and telling silly jokes. Actually wait, when shes not calling me fat, she asks 15 TIMES A DAY who my latest love interest is.

Holy. Mother. Of. God. I really. Really. Do Not. Wish to speak to my Grandmother about my latest "love interest". Either shes asking because shes eager to marry my ass off to someone and maybe profit, or shes just making conversation. Either way its weird.

Yes Grandma, I get my hole punched. OFTEN. BY MEN.

I really really hope my mom reads that and falls over in her chair and has a seizure.

Thumb Wars

Mothers Day

Since I wont be here...

Its pretty cute... just click the link because the vid was too wide for my blog.

http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/1147/Little+Tupac

Kathy Lee Gifford Is The Devil

So one of my featured bloggers is Heather Armstrong, of http://www.dooce.com/.

Shes an amazing writer, keeps me laughing with her humor, stories of her family, dogs and making everyday life seem like an adventure.

Heather was on the Today Show, with that hypocritical insane beast Kathy Lee.

Watch the video, you have to go to the last half to see the part with Heather, but Kathy Lee treats her like absolute garbage and makes a whole bunch of hypocritical statements, but as soon as Heather tries to turn the tables they end the segment.

Burn in Hell, Kathy Lee, burn in Hell.

Haunted By Relationships Past

When does one finally let go of that ex? When do we finally stop feeling what we felt for them, the excitement when they call, or show up on the doorstep?

Usually it happens some time before the break up even occurs, or so we think. Waiting for that moment when they'll finally be gone, out the door and out of our beds. For Good.

Except, it doesn't always happen this way. We might think at first that we're subliminally happy, let the party of your life begin... but it doesn't come together.

That's the painful part, realizing when you have to really let go, make yourself get used to sleeping alone, but truly you miss sleeping next to them, even if the way they slept RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BED MADE YOU WANT TO KILL THEM WITH SHARP, POINTY STICKS ... and how your pillows smell like them when they're gone.

So my question is, do we ever move on or will these dead relationships haunt our memories for eternity?

I found with that rotten moron Mike, that I "dated" last year, it took me FOREVER to stop talking about him, and when I finally let the hate go, the hurt and all the icky feeling from my heart, mind and body, I didn't miss him. Not one bit. Someone told me once that when you fall in love with someone else, everything you felt for someone else just ... goes away. Like it never existed. My memories of Mike are clouded, like did that really happen? Sometimes it bugs me that I was so blind a year ago, to think HE could have actually cared enough about me to have a marriage. Bah what garbage.

Yet.. the memories DO haunt me. I don't care about him, I don't hurt over the fact of how badly I was screwed, cheated on and emotionally abused. But those evil awful memories float back into my head, and it puts fear of what ifs back into any relationship I WANT to have with someone.

Its not just Mike, its every guy. The latest one especially, does he have any idea how hard it is to write what I feel, say what I really feel when I know hes reading it?

It bugs me. It bugs me that it could never work, I have all those bad bad moments flying around in my head right now, walking up to buy my plane ticket, and realizing that maybe I should stop right then, turn around and go home to a perhaps of happiness, and then on the other spectrum, NY in only a few hours, blessed NY, and all the things I had missed for the last 2 years, just at my fingertips, I told myself I could forgive myself, but I had no idea if he would find it in his heart to forgive me.

Getting on the plane, my stomach felt like melting acid like I knew I was going to burn in Hell for what I'd just done.
Yet, its MY life... this IS THE TACHAE SHOW. (yes I'm a complete nerd), why SHOULDNT I be making my own choices?

I cant say I want to regret that little trip for the rest of my life, I wont. In fact I NEEDED it. I needed to say goodbye in my own way to the place I had ran the farthest to, because back then I thought running away to there made it all better, it made everything here at home shrink into the back of my thoughts, seemingly insignificant and unworthy of my worries. My fairytale wonderland.

It only made it worse when I got home, much like this last time. He never could understand that it wasn't about a person, or a thing, that I missed, as much as the PLACE. There is something very special, very magical in NY and I cant replace it, relive it or capture it, so if you love something, you should set it free.

I cant run from my problems, I cant bury them, I cant cover up my lies, because theres that one time you slip up, and they come back to haunt you.

I cant be sorry for the person I have become, I don't want to be like a certain family member who wallows in their own self pity and neglect for eternity. I AM going to be the person who gets out of bed, who makes something of themselves, and the girl who isn't going to let this relationship haunt her memories.

Its been swell.

PS. For the official record I never slept with anyone in NY if your all wondering, which your not, but I didn't, and I will hold that little thought dear & close to my heart, because that's one thing, I didn't do wrong.

And that perhaps of happiness? It was never really there, when you truly love someone, you can forgive the world and more. We both just need to let go.

Prong - Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck. - I.Fucking.Love.This.Song.It.Makes.Me.Want.To.Rock.Out.

Why I Dont Want To Care

Pg.277

"Six hundred and forty fish later, the only thing I know is everything you love will die. The first time you meet that someone special, you can count on them one day being dead and in the ground."

- Chuck Palahniuk "Survivor"

(author of Fight Club)

Life Is Not Fair

I am so ready to take a bat to someones face in traffic one of these days.

So these guys are driving behind me on 40th Ave. Since Ive got a decent sized truck, I feel pretty safe. Im more cautious these days as per a) I care about my driving record, b) I care about my vehicle and like it un-smashed, c) My mother would inflict ancient Chinese torture methods on me in the event of said smashing of truck.

Moving along, these old farts in a beat up 1980's something car were tailgating me from Deerfoot, to Fowler. I gave them warnings, tried to get away and the closer they came. Waving arms and screaming obscenities at me. Now I dont give a flying monster fuck who you are, DONT TAILGATE ME MOTHERFUCKERS! I hate it. I hate it more than I hate... most things... it just puts me in a bad position where Im worrying about the dipshits behind me and not thinking about what else is happening. I should have let them crush it into my back end and watched as they smushed against the windsheild. Not that Im into that sortve thing, but its adequate punishment for tailgating an angry 22 yr old with protection issues. MY BUBBLE YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
Best bumper stick I'd heard of in a while :
"If you're gonna ride my ass the least you could do is pull my hair"

Kinda dirty. Ok alot of dirty. SO MUCH DIRTY YOU PROBABLY NEED A SHOWER.

I get so angry when people insist on driving too close to me. Its those times that make me wish I could get out and stomp on the hood of their cars and not get into trouble for it. Or maybe I need a Trunk Monkey ---> Watch it, you know you want to eeh.



IN FACT I'D LIKE 3 OR 4 TRUNK MONKEYS.

Other than the fact I need anger management and perhaps a good week in shock therapy, I think Im ok.
I mean I keep coming back to the conclusion that the only way anything will get done is IF I DO MYSELF.
Men are no help whatsoever. They just bumble around, eat, fart, drink beer/pop and stare at you blankly when you speak any words that do not involve, car/truck, beer, food, or sports.

I am so sick of trying to get my points through to them. Its like playing a broken record that THEY WILL NEVER LISTEN TO. This ones for you-know-who, whats my favorite movie? FORREST GODDAMN GUMP. He asked this once, "why did it make you cry when Jenny dies?" , *&^%$###%%&^@!

I LOVE that movie. People who KNOW me, KNOW WHY I CRY WHEN I WATCH IT.
He just doesnt get me, therefore why would he even want me? I dont understand it at all, if you wanted someone you would TRY and since I KNOW your reading this, or will be reading it soon, why dont you go pat yourself on the back and tell yourself how good you were and how hard you tried. BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE THINKS SO.

I may be slightly crazy somedays, a little off kilter and emotional, but IM A GIRL. We get this way. ITS CALLED I HAVE A UTERUS AND IT HATES YOU.

I hate that I let myself get wrapped up in something totally pointless, all this time thinking, oh he cares, yep, maybe I'll just ignore what all my friends say/think about it and itll all be good. But thats the thing, everything that was good, has long flushed itself down to Hell.

I kept faulting myself, blaming myself everyday, crying myself to sleep and feeling like a complete emo fuck up. It took me all this time to pull myself out of that and go, hey I wasnt perfect but neither are you.Not only am I completely convinced that he fucked someone else but that I was just filler. Just someone to be around, because it was better than nothing.

WELLL THIS GIRL HAS NEWS FOR YOU.

IM BETTER THAN THAT. IM BETTER THAN BECOMING SOMEONES LITTLE HOUSEWIFE WHO HAS NO LIFE, AND HAS TO DEPEND ON THE WALL FOR CONVERSATION BECAUSE IT WOULD TALK TO ME MORE THAN YOU EVER HAVE. NO THANKYOU.... KEEP YOUR SOCKS AND DIRTY SKIVVIES FOR I WILL NOT WASH ANOTHER MANS UNDER THINGS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I WOULD RATHER DIE IN A VAT OF BOILING ACID THAN BECOME YOUR WHORE.

Wow. That feels so much better. You have no idea. I have been saying it for months, but no one takes me seriously. I am finally ready to let go. So here it is, Good Luck in your future endeavours, Good Luck with the next girl, Im sure she'll be far prettier than I, a hunter, a perfect little housewife who never talks and you'll finally be happy, and Goodbye.

Kodak Moments From Hell

Since my last emo-ish rant about Kodak moments, not being loved enough as a child, and people who drive stupid, I have since thought sincerely about what it all means.

Thus! I have come to the conclusion that I DO have Kodak moments, and probably happier things to blog about, but if its one thing I hate, its someone whose so happy that the rest of us hate their guts.

I hate smiling. I dont know what it is. But I loathe it. A friend from NY commented that whenever he took pictures of me while we toured the city together, I'd pinch my face up and he feared for his life. Which makes me think, if I hate pictures of myself SO much, why should I even bitch that there arent any? Well once again, this is my blog and my life, so I shall continue to contradict everything I say.

Now this picture isnt exactly flattering of me, but I printed it off for someone, who I am no longer with, ONLY BECAUSE HE FARTS IN MY BED ... amongst other things, and I put it on the mantle above my fireplace... *ahem* Yes I have a fireplace, but it doesnt work so whats the point. Anyways... the story behind the picture was, the person who took me, wouldnt be caught dead smiling in a picture with me so he took off down the hill to go pee. While I ran into a nice little old Scottish guy who forced smiles out of me with his silly accent. Thus making said boy angry that HE didnt get to take the picture... ahhh memories!

And I look like a goddamn marshmellow but I was actually thinner in that pic, with my face all bunched up like an old woman.

As you can see in this next shot, I am completely in love with myself. Oh self, I shall frame this one above the ol' fireplace. Alcohol was definitely a part of that picture. The next is a girlfriend Carrie & I, since we are both Aries, we have hate/love relationships with cameras. I look so evil in that picture, but once again, Alcohol played a very important part to our evening.

Here is the NYC one I was speaking of... Im not sure if I posted it in December, but Ari was so excited to hang out with me and all I could do was my stony Im-going-to-kill-you face.

Nonetheless its a happy memory too. Wow I look like I have a fat head, and a huge nose.

PS> THANKYOU HEFF YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME NEW SOULS... I mean visitors. Of course ... yesss..

Ok So I need to add to this post. I am a usually friendly person when Im out in public (when Im not trying to run people who annoy me over) and today at the bank the girl who I was mostly dealing with was nice and chatty, the other... quiet. Not even a smile, so my question for you is this are you shy or JUST FUCKING BITCHY?

Broken

I am at the Hate stage. I dont think it exists but since this is my blog, my life it DOES exist.

Everyone has pissed me off today. The stupid motherfuckers at the mall, who HAD TO PARK RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LANE SO THAT NO ONE COULD DRIVE BY BECAUSE OMG WE HAVE TO SHOW OFF THIS DODGE CAR THING!!

It gets worse, it could just be that my heart feels like mush, I see people getting things I honestly tried to achieve, and all they do is treat it like dirt.
Nah, I probably would have treated it like dirt too, who am I kidding?

I TREAT EVERYTHING LIKE DIRT! According to my mother and everyone else who happens to know me, but hey, thats me, and since this is The Tachae Show, I think Ill push my butt up against my front window with a sign that says
"LICK IT".

Ever since last October when Ive had heart problems, I have tried to generally behave, but sometimes I just dont feel like doing that. Pills this, pills that, surgery this, surgery that.
I was walking down some stairs today when I felt something like lightening strike through my left ribcage and over. Since its happened alot, I usually ignore it, but this one hurt. Alot.

The thing is, no one really gives a fuck enough to listen to me, because I dont give a fuck enough to have ANOTHER doctor stick his hand in my shirt for a good old feel. No thanks, I'd rather not go to second base with you. Something about doctors scares me.

The thing is, maybe I should write my will out on my blog, so its in my own words, and no one elses. Because the reality being, ever since everyone started dying, I have generally felt that my time was coming up too... I just dont see myself as one of those happy people who live to be 90 zillion years old, muttering to themselves, wetting the bed and stuffing crackers in theyre pants.

In fact, every happy memory Ive ever wanted to have like other people, Kodak moments and such, have been utterly destroyed. I have not always been the cause of it, sometimes but it makes me hurt and sad inside all at once. I think this is why I have pets, I dont have any to question the things I do, or say, and they are at least grateful for the food I provide them.

Unlike men, which will fart in your bed, couch, well anywhere they see fit. Eat everything in your home, ask for more, pick stuff off the dinner you spent 2 hours making, and then tell you at the end of the night, that your face got fatter and your arms too for that matter, Oh Jesus woman arent you just the porker, maybe you shouldnt eat anymore, you know because you need to be the person I WANT YOU TO BE, AND NO I DONT CARE IF IT LEADS YOU TO FEEL SUICIDAL AND PERHAPS DRIVE YOU MENTAL.

But thats men for you, and why Lesbians, are Lesbians.

Thus, leaving me to feel like I never want to be friends with anyone. If I never let myself get too close, too attached, then if I drop dead from whatever self induced angry speel I have, then no one would be sad. In fact, at this point, where I am suffering from self loathing, self pity and hate of all things, I would have to say, who would miss me? The cats wouldnt care, as long as there is fresh food. Same for the dogs.

So would someone please tell me why, with my life of Non-Kodak moments, why I am even here?
Why should I give a fuck about anything because honestly, who am I kidding, there wont be any Kodak moments if there havent already been, because thats just how it goes. I am not entitled to Kodak moments. Simply, to shorten this post up, I hate everything & everyone.

I really am better than what Ive been getting this I know, so maybe someone else would make me apart of their Kodak moments someday.

This is the end of my selfish little rant. You may scowl and be confused now.

The Tachae Show

When that freaky movie "The Truman Show" came out, I made the mistake of watching it.

Then I started to get paranoid, that it was all a sick joke and theres really this "The Tachae' Show" out there, and that people were watching. LOOKING WITH THEIR EYES.
It creeped the shit out of me. So bad in fact for years after I checked things for little cameras, always backed into a corner or to a washroom to pull a wedgie, never went pee without building a tent out of TP. I was so concerned in fact, I wasnt even sure if my parents WERE my parents, were those actors or really neighbors?

I get a little too involved in stuff like that. Sends me over the edge.

Thus, the real reason why when my mother took me to Banff at age 4, she was horribly embarassed when I got down on my knees and screamed into a sewage drain "TURTLES!!! TURTLES ITS MEEEEEEE!!!!!", honestly, she says its a true story. Yes I was in love with the Ninja Turtles, that and I thought Dr.Claw on the Mr. Gadget show was real and he lived underneath Frank Slide in the Pass.

I had a pretty wild imagination I suppose. Now, thanks to that goddamn peachtree telivision crap, am now paranoid to pee unless I build a fortress surrounding me from CAMERAS AND PEOPLE THAT WATCH BECAUSE I KNOW THEY DO.

Wow. I really do sound nuts.
Thus why I need to blog.

TURTLES!!! ITS MEEE!!!

I like ... STUFF!!

I have to say ... I. Like. Comments! So Deliciously Evil.

Now for my new readers, I am so happy to see that ... all 3 of you have found my blathering interesting enough to read.

Free cookies and juice for you... but could get a little squishy in the mail.

I am suprised that anyone even agreed with my last post, I thought there would be an insane amount of hatemail awaiting me in the morning. Alas ... there was COMMENTS! AND STUFF! Much deliciously evil happiness flooded through me, or I may have just had to pee.

For the first time in the last week I am starting to see the lighter side of things, sure I still hate traffic and men who drive theyre ishy shiny porsches too fast, (which makes me want to poke holes in the hood with my stilleto heels) and the girl who insists on parking in front of my house.

I'll get you! ANd your little dog too!! Hum, I dont think she has a little dog and I guess it wouldnt have anything to do with her... so we'll leave the imaginary dog out of it.

I have to add on a more serious note, since Cathy has passed, in all the whole 5 seconds it took me to realize this ... I feel like a door, or a number of doors have slammed in my face.

It dampens my happy go lucky mood because nothing goes how we plan it, but I feel like no one wants my help. I guess thats how it goes, but how do I repay the friendship, kindness and wholehearted goodness of one person when it isnt wanted? DOES ANYONE WANT TO BE MY FRIEND? WE CAN DO. STUFF. AND LEAVE COMMENTS AND STUFF.
BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE SUPER AWESOME AMAZING.
GNARF.

No. I dont live in a basement and play D&D 19 hours a day. But I do ramble incessantly and mutter incoherently at people sometimes, so whats the lesser of 2 evils?

EVERYONE JUST NEEDS TO BE A LITTLE MORE OPEN MINDED!! IT MIGHT GET YOU STARES, DIRTY LOOKS, ANGRY WORDS OR EVEN SHOT, BUT YOU SHOULD JUST DO IT. AND THEN THERE WILL BE STUFF. LOTS OF STUFF. FOR EVERYONE.

(ok no promises, read the fine print people).

Since I stopped listening to people and their "rules" of life, and started looking outside of the box, I realized I could potentially be alot better of a person. Hurrah for Stuff! And Friends... with Stuff!

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with my post other than the fact that I LIKE EWOKS AND WANT ONE FOR A PET!! Wasnt I just saying Dumb People Will Inherit The Earth? Indeed.

Dumb People Will Inherit The Earth!

As the Anger turns to a dull numb feeling in my whole body, I am at a serious loss inside myself.

I talk and talk but nothing comes out except mindless streams of chatter, only to keep myself preoccupied, to think of anything BUT cold hard reality.

You know they say you only have a handful of friends in your life, "they" being whom I am not too sure, but it is true. According to Facebook I have 282 friends, but when I take a peek into their lives, oddly I am not always shocked at what I see.

EVERYONE ON THE THIS WHOLE FREAKING PLANET IS HAVING A FREAKING WORMBABY THING. Why, prey tell does this bug me so?

Because 95% are incredibly unqualified to have said child.

That child will be raised most likely in a home filled with gang bangers, drunks, weed etc. and will then go out into the world and infect it. So when this happens repeatedly throughout the universe... you have a really big fucking problem on your hands.

I dont begrudge people reproducing, but the thought of how many dumb people are ALLOWED to reproduce is frightening. You have to take a test to have a drivers license, why not for kids?

I am more than a little bothered by so much trash having babies, and then MORE babies. They cant support themselves, let alone be smart enough to do anything with their lives, so hey why not pop out a few kids, maybe put a gun in the little turds hand, turn his hat sideways and AWW ISNT THAT A CUTE PICTURE TO PUT OUT FOR EVERYONE TO SEE? BECAUSE WE'RE PARENTS, AND OUR KID IS PROBABLY GOING TO SHOOT YOUR KID AT SCHOOL ONE DAY AND BY THAT DAY AND AGE, PRISON WILL BE IN DAYS NOT YEARS SO WHAT THE HELL LETS GET HIM STARTED EARLY!!

Fools! No I will not cuddle and coo over your evil toddler who insists on throwing things at people in resteraunts, while you sit idly by and go why isnt that just the sweetest thing (yes this happened to me, no the mother didnt do a single thing she simply ignored it, and yes I grabbed him and told him to apologize to the people whose food he stole right off their plate and threw at them). I have since ceased hanging out with her, which is not much loss to myself. Being cute is one thing, throwing food is like my dog shitting all over your lawn and me laughing, not bothering to do anything, and thinking its "cute".

There are good parents, bad parents and simply just OK parents, and if your a simply OK parent I would say your normal, because those super good parents are just as bad as the evil trashy give your 4 year old a loaded 9mm to take to school kinda parents.

They are fake and therefore evil... I dont think anyone could ever be a perfect parent, but I am seriously concerned about the number of 15 yr old "mothers" who are definitely going to fuck this world up and become a drain on society. Lets see how many times Maury can have you on the show before the viewers notice your 24th appearance.

I have to say I am simply bitter and ranting for a few reasons, people on this earth who are complete scum, murder people, rape etc, and yet they get to live to a nice age.

People like Cathy die too soon.

How the hell does that make any sense? Ok so Im still in my anger stage... I am still wanting to chew a peice off of someone and maybe smack them around a little after. Heff... Im going to come down there and punch you just so I can feel better, but I'll have to visit the TOL first.