Hasta

No one knows I lost my soul long ago...

Facebook, the stalkers paradise, is no longer much fun.

Why is it that I get so down and so miserable when I see how many girls I went to school with, grew up with, are either getting married or on the SECOND baby?

I see them from time to time and its either I am relieved to not be in the same situation or I am simply jealous that they seem so happy. Is it all real? Or are they as dumb as I think they are?

I was 99% sure that someone would disappoint me today, and I admit, I kinda put them on a pedestal, I made them out to be this great amazing friend in my mind, because deep down I dont actually believe I have those. . . and they had seemingly blew me off earlier in the week at a very important time for me. (Ok so all I had to do was pick up the truck from GM but it was a timesensitive, distance thing)

I was hurt. I thought it was because maybe they realized Im just a flake, or Im a nobody.
I take a little personally when I get dumped, ditched or otherwise forgotten like that. . . (which this conversation belongs to a therapist because it brings up child abandonement issues) and I was angry.
When I finally took a few days to sit back, the situation wasnt really what I thought it to be. There were reasonable explanations, etc. Also, I took a humble moment to realize my emergencies are not exactly the end of the world (sometimes) and maybe I should take more responsibility for the car crash incidents in my life. Literally. And another helpful person made sure I got to pick up the truck... so it worked out.

Imagine my near disappoint again when I tried to solidify the weekend plans, and they dont call as planned. Now I just feel like a moron. Like maybe I should pick someone else, or go alone. Which neither idea appeals, when what I wanted was to have a good time with this person ( a sort of selfish celebration of my forgiveness of them, wait I think that contradicts the other).

So I set a time. If they hadnt contacted by then, it was toast. I wouldnt freak out, I would simply make new plans, and I would put a big distance in the friendship, still there but the trust, and the respect would change. Indefinitely.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

I endured that with another so called 'friend'. For years. And years. To the point I cant even continue a phone conversation with them, when I finally poured my pain forward, they screeched and said how I was wrong, I was a liar, I didnt know what I was talking about, and I was simply forgetting what REALLY happened.
It was actually something to look back on, in a way that perhaps I treated others as such. Maybe I became the person I hated.
Is it so?

All I know is... I DIDNT FUCK ANY OF HER BOYFRIENDS, AND THEN LIED ABOUT IT FOR 5 YEARS!!
That I know for sure, to the end of my life.
The funny thing is, she doesnt even know what I know. She has fed herself so much of her own BS, that she now lives, breathes and has become it. Congratulations, I hope it gets you far.

Back to my first rant,
Not 5 minutes after I set my time limit, be it my little hourglass I flipped over, they called to confirm.

I feel ok now, and maybe a little sheepish that I had judged them so harshly. The hurt was still fresh in my heart, and I hadnt quite forgotten, but now my trust is still kinda shaky, but Im all for the thrill so I'll give it a shot.

In other news, the dogs (as I am unsure of which it was, but I'd like to blame Shane's dog, Gracie)
Peed. On. My. Couch.

Twice.

In. 3. Minutes.

I take that pretty personally. In fact I have a puppy sized rug in trade of that couch, I really liked that couch. Alot.

2 washes, and a treatment of scotchguard later. . . I think my murderous feelings have receeded.
Hmm. Until tomorrow, when they probably do it again.

Things You Shouldn't Find In Your Plumbing.

So after a tedious few hours trying to figure out just exactly Why sewage had backed up right into my bathtub, the final conclusion is dryer sheets. I would never flush dryer sheets, ever, in fact, so either they have been there for a long time, or my cats do devious things while Im at work.
No no, the puppies too... they escaped today and managed to poo 485 times and still greet me at the door with "OH MOM ITS YOU! ARENT YOU HAPPY WE LEFT YOU PRESENTS? ... oh ... so what you mean by yelling and hitting us with a broom is that you dont like the presents? We can always make more! " Ergh please dont.

So now I am expecting a hefty $5.2 million dollar bill from the plumber in regards to what could be my own stupidity, I dont remember ever using dryer sheets for toilet paper but you never know. Im cheap sometimes what can I say.

I need sleep sleep now. I have promised myself for the last 6 months I would find the time to have naps. Unfortunately between puppies peeing in my doorway and poor harassed plumbers spending 3 hours in my tiny bathroom, there hasnt been much time for one.

If I had to live in a thatched hut for the rest of eternity, the only luxury I would ask for is to have a toilet that would never break. Well I figure if I keep it cheap and low then it my life might get better.

Good Karma you know? Because I ALWAYS ask for too much.

I must go bleach the tub before bed. Mmm chemicals. Burning... eee.

Dehydrated

Now that I have resigned, I dont feel as good as I thought I would.

Granted, there are some particular people who are angry with me, and as much as it puts me in a bad, walking on eggshells mood, I am almost gleeful at the dirty looks they give.

Everyone seems to think I quit for a new job, but I didnt. Thats very best, very worst part of it.
In fact, Im really not sure what Im thinking and the insane amount of food these dogs eat is almost cause for concern.
But. I need an extended vacation. I need a short amount of time for me. Maybe I wont need a whole month, but there are just some things about my job I cant change, or even convince myself to feel good about.

One persons demeanor makes me not even want to go near my work They act all sappy, sweet and fake in one moment, until the next when they look possessed and wanting to send all the negative energy in the world down upon you. I have managed to perfect that move also, but reserve it for the most deserved situations.
They were even rude to my own mother at the work Christmas party. As much as I ABSOLUTELY ADORE my mom sometimes (err) I still would never treat theyre family member or guest like that.
They just do it because thats who they are, and I cant work with it. Absolutely want to tell them to Get Bent.

In part of resigning, I think they are happy or at least not suprised.

I am just so much younger than everyone, I dont feel I fit in, or I am more so expected to act exactly like them. This can be done to a certain extent, but I am still me, I am still 21, and I STILL WANT TO HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF WORK... somedays.

More reasons include, the commute, and driving a couple places everyday. I am reimbursed but the disgusting cost of gas (109.9 a litre) is going to kill me alone. I would have to spend my whole paycheck all year from now on just to go to work. Not quite, but over the winter Ive manged to skimp it down to $60-70 a week from $100 a week. Given the summer, being hotter, more driving, more traffic jams... I would go poor. I dont like that idea. And then my puppies would starve! Dont you just feel rotten for me? Not really? Well ok.

I would also selfishly like a few puppy free days to sleep in, it seems theyhave gotten the idea of Saturday, and this means I get to wake up at 6:10, not 5:10. Oh why thankyou pee monsters, you are so thoughtful.

Enough work related rambling, I wish to say congratulations to Nolan and his fiance Sherry or Sheri (not sure) because theyve decided to embark on that scary adventure called getting married. I am quite positive they will succeed and have an amazing time together in this life.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah.

Im off like a prom dress in June!

Just Say Goodbye, Baby...

No matter what I do. No matter how nice I am.

Everyone still digs a hole in me, crawls inside, and takes a big crap.

Once more, I am subject to Office Politics & Drama. Now, I wouldnt say I didnt have a part in it, but the amount of crap that comes from it, is exactly that, bullshit.

You would think people WELL over the age of 40 could act like a human being, but no, they couldnt.
We vall have to run around with "oh my God, she said that and that and oh my then she did this".

No wonder I gave my resignation.

I'd also like to mention on the flipside, I am pretty sad to go. I was happy in ways, I will miss alot of people that Ive gotten to know, and I did have second thoughts after I wrote the letter. Then, after todays episode, I was ready to blow up and burn everything within a 100 mile radius.




Korn - Freak On a Leash

Something takes a part of me.
Something lost and never seen.
Everytime I start to believe,
Something's raped and taken from me... from me.
Life's got to always be messing with me. (You wanna see the light)
Can't they chill and let me be free? (So do I)
Can't I take away all this pain. (You wanna see the light)
I try to every night, all in vain... in vain.
Sometimes I cannot take this place.
Sometimes it's my life I can't taste.
Sometimes I cannot feel my face.
You'll never see me fall from grace
Something takes a part of me.
You and I were meant to be.
A cheap fuck for me to lay
Something takes a part of me.
Feeling like a freak on a leash. (You wanna see the light)
Feeling like I have no release. (So do I)
How many times have I felt diseased? (You wanna see the light)
Nothing in my life is free... is free

GO!
So...fight! something on the... dum na ema
Fight...some things they fight
So...something on the... dum na ema
Fight...some things they fight
Fight...something of the... dum na ema
No...some things they fight
Fight...something of the... dum na ema
Fight...some things they fight

Part of me...
Oh...

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women, I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,



... and still be afraid of a spider.

And If I Tell You...

The last week was tremendously hard for me.

Everything and I mean, Everything had gone wrong.

Mostly yesterday, was just one big giant fuck up. I needed GM to check out my fuel sensor, etc. So I bring it in, because its under warranty etc. I got this whole rotten story of how they cant fix something thats not broken blah blah blah. So until a check engine light comes on, they dont want to do anything. Great. Its already booked, so they take it anyways and are supposed to give me a courtesy car.

THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO PAY FOR. What bullshit. Read the small print!

I will never pick a domestic again. (Its still not fixed, they didnt have the parts).

Moving along, I got into work, already seething and ready to start screaming at whoever stepped in my path, and right away someone started bitching about the mess I made with my boots, and my sticky iced tea drink on a desk.
DID ANYONE DIE? WAS THERE A GLOBAL EMERGENCY BECAUSE OF THIS?

No, there wasnt. It just dug under my skin to have someone jump down my throat right away.
Im not a morning person, Im not an overly wonderful person, I can be when I try but I am a pretty grumpy, Linda Blair type of girl (ie. Exorcist).


Now, I am going for my pedicure, I am going to enjoy my day, and all the clothes of mine my puppies ate while I was sleeping, have to be re-bought.
Or I'll just make clothes out of them.

On a much sillier note, I am quite happy that Heather (www.dooce.com) is having the same puppy insanity as me. Hers is just much more amusing to read.

And this is a vid of her daughter as a baby, which is quite cute.


splashing in the tub from dooce on Vimeo.

Grandma's Boyfriend

The only reason I named my post that, was because my mother adopted a cat for my Grandmother who rejected the idea of yet, another cat, after 30 years of cats. Mostly I think because shes lonely... and everyone needs someone. May they be furry and lick their own butt, so be it.

Ive been really frustrated lately, due to lack of sleep, not feeling well and trying to reason with everyone in the entire world that I am really going to be ok with these pups.
Ive gotten alot of negative feedback, that maybe Im just not a dog person, or moreso a puppy person, and after this I totally support the buying of an older much better trained dog, who would need a home much more.

Then Monday was not fun at work, I had this weird feeling everyone was displeased with me, which I could be totally and freakishly paranoid, but it really did seem like everyone was treating me... different.

So, for the most part, I dont usually let it get me down that Im left out of alot of things, the guys in sales, who used to talk to me, dont anymore, or that alot of people in the office-life will oftentimes turn their noses up at you.

Simply because, after 5 months of trying to get a real conversation out of someone, I did, and they really arent that big of a jackass. Which can be nice.
There are really awesome upsides to other things too though. Like I got news of getting more money today, and if I could find the horoscope that predicted it, I'd publish it, but alas I cant.

Regardless, it was good news. As I am going too be in the poorhouse with buying all this puppy junk. AND ONLY TO MAKE THEM STOP CHEWING. OH GOD PLEASE STOP CHEWING.

Is there anyway we can stop them from peeing for like, oh 6 months or so at a time?

And in the words of my cousin, "At Christmas we all get drunk and drive around and sing carols".
Yes, I know Christmas is over, and yes I know its highly inappropriate for children to say that but I guess thats what he thinks we do.

Im Late Im Late

Rushing am I, for I was up all night with whining, crying fur balls that pee enough to fill the Grand Canyon.

I wish I could write more on how Im Really feeling about everything from work, to how I think everyones out to get me, to how I think my mother ignores me on a constant basis, or how much I wish I was in Maui at this moment, instead of how much my dogs pee on a regular basis.

Must go!

My Petting Zoo

Keep in mind, these are 7 different animals of mine. Im the crazy cat lady.

Sick Little Hermit

I refuse to leave the house. I do not feel well and then the puppies decided they didnt feel well either.

I'll post something not sick or dog related soon.

Happiness By The Kilowatt

Mercifully, Shane took the puppies for a day out of visiting, and I got a chance to clean my home.
This can be very difficult when you have 2 10 lb balls of fur scurrying around your feet going "its you! The lady with the food! OMG ITS BEEN LIKE 5 MINUTES AND WE HAVENT EATEN AGAIN WHATS GOING ON ... ", but things are coming along better.

I took them to the nursing home yesterday, feeling that my Grandmother might be happy at the sight of puppies and it might bring some joy into her life. Instead, she chased me out yelling they'd have me in court, on charges for bringing puppies into a private hospital.

Err. Right. Everyone brings their dogs into visit, as some places consider it pet therapy. I just left not wanting her to get even more agitated.

Well at least some of the other residents were delighted to have a puppy to hold on their lap and to snuggle with, it was heartbreaking to take them back but my girls were overall very well behaved. Not even one accident while we were there.

Uhm so yeah my posts are pretty lame. Im the crazy animal lady.

PS. I need 2 (preferably used and cheap) kennels for them.

Puppies Part 2

They can be so adorable when they arent peeing somewhere and just sleeping.