Hasta

No one knows I lost my soul long ago...

Facebook, the stalkers paradise, is no longer much fun.

Why is it that I get so down and so miserable when I see how many girls I went to school with, grew up with, are either getting married or on the SECOND baby?

I see them from time to time and its either I am relieved to not be in the same situation or I am simply jealous that they seem so happy. Is it all real? Or are they as dumb as I think they are?

I was 99% sure that someone would disappoint me today, and I admit, I kinda put them on a pedestal, I made them out to be this great amazing friend in my mind, because deep down I dont actually believe I have those. . . and they had seemingly blew me off earlier in the week at a very important time for me. (Ok so all I had to do was pick up the truck from GM but it was a timesensitive, distance thing)

I was hurt. I thought it was because maybe they realized Im just a flake, or Im a nobody.
I take a little personally when I get dumped, ditched or otherwise forgotten like that. . . (which this conversation belongs to a therapist because it brings up child abandonement issues) and I was angry.
When I finally took a few days to sit back, the situation wasnt really what I thought it to be. There were reasonable explanations, etc. Also, I took a humble moment to realize my emergencies are not exactly the end of the world (sometimes) and maybe I should take more responsibility for the car crash incidents in my life. Literally. And another helpful person made sure I got to pick up the truck... so it worked out.

Imagine my near disappoint again when I tried to solidify the weekend plans, and they dont call as planned. Now I just feel like a moron. Like maybe I should pick someone else, or go alone. Which neither idea appeals, when what I wanted was to have a good time with this person ( a sort of selfish celebration of my forgiveness of them, wait I think that contradicts the other).

So I set a time. If they hadnt contacted by then, it was toast. I wouldnt freak out, I would simply make new plans, and I would put a big distance in the friendship, still there but the trust, and the respect would change. Indefinitely.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

I endured that with another so called 'friend'. For years. And years. To the point I cant even continue a phone conversation with them, when I finally poured my pain forward, they screeched and said how I was wrong, I was a liar, I didnt know what I was talking about, and I was simply forgetting what REALLY happened.
It was actually something to look back on, in a way that perhaps I treated others as such. Maybe I became the person I hated.
Is it so?

All I know is... I DIDNT FUCK ANY OF HER BOYFRIENDS, AND THEN LIED ABOUT IT FOR 5 YEARS!!
That I know for sure, to the end of my life.
The funny thing is, she doesnt even know what I know. She has fed herself so much of her own BS, that she now lives, breathes and has become it. Congratulations, I hope it gets you far.

Back to my first rant,
Not 5 minutes after I set my time limit, be it my little hourglass I flipped over, they called to confirm.

I feel ok now, and maybe a little sheepish that I had judged them so harshly. The hurt was still fresh in my heart, and I hadnt quite forgotten, but now my trust is still kinda shaky, but Im all for the thrill so I'll give it a shot.

In other news, the dogs (as I am unsure of which it was, but I'd like to blame Shane's dog, Gracie)
Peed. On. My. Couch.

Twice.

In. 3. Minutes.

I take that pretty personally. In fact I have a puppy sized rug in trade of that couch, I really liked that couch. Alot.

2 washes, and a treatment of scotchguard later. . . I think my murderous feelings have receeded.
Hmm. Until tomorrow, when they probably do it again.