Little Known Facts About Tachae

Allright so not that anyone cares in the least, Im going to post about all the little shit about me everyone shouldnt know.

- I like to put honey and vanilla powder in my Venti Tazo Chai with soy (never with milk, ew)

- I like to sit in Chapters for hours on end and just flip through books that no one would expect me to read.

- Buy little gifts for people when they dont need them (it helps with my bad Karma)

- I like pumpkin pie. But it makes me fat.

- I like hats... no matter how ugly I look in them.

- I sing in my truck when no ones around even if the people in traffic stare.

- I secretly want to become old so I can be the grandma who spoils her grandchildren, plays poker and drinks shots of whiskey (Jack Daniels).

- I feel badly for homeless people. I dont see them the way you all do. (Just because they may have stumbled along the way doesnt make them less than you).

- I love donairs from Jimmy's A&A on 20th Ave NW. GO THERE!!! SO good. SO so so so good. The guys there are wonderful and always have something fun to talk about.

- DC Shoes (if you dont know that I love DC, your a fucking twat).

my baby kota. ill love her forever no matter how many pairs of expensive shoes she devours.  

Waiting Room Chronicles

So I went to do some training for WCB at our Lindsay Park office this morning. I wasnt supposed to show up until 10 but I arrived at 9:30, so I thought Id just sit around and wait like a normal little duck in a shitty waiting room. This elderly man in a knitted green sweater came in and went up to the receptionist to check in.
He was friendly and polite to her as she clocked his appointment in. He came and sat next to me and apologized for sitting so close. I just smiled and told him I didnt mind because I dont. I didnt get a creepy vibe off the old guy. I had over heard that his name was Nasser, wether or not this is a first or last name I'll never know. So we started chatting, and he told me he was 70 and he had taken the bus because it hurts him to drive.
He began to tell me of his children, his family in Lebanon, how long he'd been in Canada. All of his children have at least 2 degrees from the UofC or UofA and all make well over $100,000 a year. He was so proud of them, I just saw how his face lit up when he talked of his daughter whose a Senior Officer for the University of Sydney in Australia. He asked me about my life and what I do. I told him Im a receptionist for the same family of clinics and I was in for training. He then got a little more detailed into his life.
He is very unhappy because he says his wife does not love him anymore. They didnt marry for love. They married for convienience and companionship. But no one marries for love he said. I was so sad when he told me that . He spoke of her unfaithfulness and of his and said that he may of deserved it. He said men think that they can come home and apologize for the adultery and it should be considered water under the bridge but he still felt guilty. He said his wife is a stranger to him in his own house. They just walk around each other. Avoiding whats there because both are too scared to deal with whats really going on. He doesnt know it, he'll never know it. . . but he taught me something very valuable today. He was right, we dont marry for love. I wont marry FOR love, but I think he told me all of these things because he doesnt want to see another generation screw up. I'll marry for respect, companionship and 50/50. Like he said. He taught me that I shouldnt let myself be ruined for the small things. I used to say I didnt care if I got divorced ever. Because I do. This post is going out to him because he made me cry today in the waiting room when I saw the pain in his face when he told me about his marriage. I hope its not too late to fix what has happened in their marriage. They have been married 48 years. I hope by 50 they will learn to enjoy each other and accept the past they created. Thankyou, Nasser, whoever you are.

Clumsy, clumsy little girl.

So this is a rundown of my weekend. I went to Alice Cooper with my mom on Thursday it was I think. Very amazing show I was particularly impressed with the skit about Paris Hilton his daughter Calico did (shes quite pretty). It was loud and we had floor tickets and other than everyone being so very 80's style and stinking like sour beer it was good. He played my 2 favorite songs (18) and schools out for summer. So very well done, not to mention the FUCKING GORGEOUS guitarists. The drummer was very good too, his solo impressed me when most dont.

So then friday some asshole left a broken beer glass behind my front tire and it blew out. This is the fun part. Its 4 am, and I have NO fucking clue how to even use my jack let alone get the heavy ass spare tire out of my truck. Its sad really. I called upon the super powers of my good friend Ryan and he saved my ass. Im really quite a lucky little girl that I have friends who will change my tire in the cold at nearly 5am. *thankyou Ryan*

THEN last night I went to see DOOM with this guy Kris and my friend Jamie. I loved it. I dont give a shit if the papers gave it 1 star. they can suck my ... anyways it was really good. I especially loved when they filmed it like your in the game. I cant wait to download it on my new computer. ( excuse me while I nearly wet my geek panties ).
After that is alot less pleasent. I got rearended and now Im sad because my truck is sad. She didnt deserve that. The guy hit me pretty fucking hard and Im goddamned lucky I have steel bumpers. Im just hoping the frame is ok. Anyways thats all for now. Hopefully I can get out of this weekend without more fuck ups on my poor baby . =(

the name and banner for my truck 

my truck AGAIN 

my truck 

Losing Grip - Avril Lavigne

Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby?
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you?
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say:

I was left to cry there, waitin' outside there
Grinnin' with a lost stare
That's when I decided

Why should I care?
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone...You, you need to listen!
I'm startin' to trip, I'm losin' my grip
And I'm in this thing alone...

Am I just some chick you placed beside you,
To take somebody's place?
When you turn around can you recognize... my face?
You used to love me, you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case,
Everything wasn't okay

Cryin' out loudI'm cryin' out... loud
Cryin' out loudI'm cryin' out... loud!
Open your... eyes!
Open up... wide!

Why should I care?
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared,
I was so alone...

Why should I care?
If you don't care, then I don't care,
We're not goin' anywhere!

Why should I care?
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared,
I was so alone...

Spill my milk

The girl next to her could only see him and the here and now. She didnt think about her future. She thought only about what she was going to get or how many smokes she had left until the end of the week.
This girl looked out the open door to see sunlight streaming through. She wanted more. She wanted clean air. She wanted quiet. She wanted calm. Not until she left would she find what she was looking for. This girl was too scared. That girl was too comfortable. One couldnt leave the other behind. So she stayed. Learning to love misery and to stop missing the light.

hello?

Whats Promised, Is Nothing

It feels like a kick in the chest every time I have to see him. I dont know why I had to today. I didnt feel the need. I just . . I wanted to but I didnt. The smell was on his clothes all over him. It kills me. Why cant I just let go of all those memories? I want to give him his stuff back. Its going to hurt for so long. WHY did it have to happen? Cant someone just clear my mind of this? Cant I just be me? Cant i just forget?

You live what you've learned. And what have I learned? I dont even know.

Not the way its supposed to be

So my poor baby, my truck, the love of my life ... SHES A GODDAMNED HUNK OF SHIT. anyways . . . the tranny case is busted to shit on her and its a huge costly thing. I feel my social status has diminished as I now drive a minivan. Oh well.

Remind Me

Today its seeming gorgeous outside. The trees are perfect and when I drive I can hear the leaves crunching underneath my tires. When I think of fall I know I'll always think of him. In a way that really bothers me. If anyone knows A THING about me, they know that I absolutely adore the fall season. I think I might even be able to like winter. Maybe. I'll think about it.
The point is, Im not willing to let all of this ruin my fall or my life. I keep saying I'll be done talking about it but Im not. It makes me feel better and I forget a little a peice every time. It just slowly leaves. Almost like the trees when they change for the season. They let go of all their weight and close up for winter. Like hibernation. Thats what Im doing. Letting go. So I can change.

This is how you remind me. All those little things. I dont think I loved him. I dont want to think I did. If I had really loved him it wouldnt have been so one sided. Love is the reflection of what you feel in someone elses heart. Its the song that they can sing back to you. And he couldnt do that. So it never happened. It wasnt there. And Im not sorry. I learned. And Im not sorry.

Astrology By Bunnies

So I picked up a Happy Bunny Astrology book today at Chapters. If any of you have ever seen those hilarious stickers with a smiling bunny and "You Suck" underneath, youll understand. So I HAD to buy it right? Anywaaays since I am the Ram I was on the first page ( I feel special ).

Aries - The Ram
March 21 - April 20

You : are confident, enthusiastic, and courageous.

Other : Aries are selfish, impulsive, and foolhardy. I wouldn't be suprised to hear that they're jealous of you, and are quite possibly plotting something against you. That would be SO like them.

Likes : Challenges, winning, and people willing to ignore that thing you do that you think nobody knows about. (we know.)

Dislikes : Losing, waiting around, and being hit in the face with a shovel. It may not have happened to you yet, but trust me : You aren't going to like it.

Ruling color : Red

Ruling Planet : Mars

Ruling Lunch Meat : Pepperoni

How Aries Sees the World : It's all about me. You should know that.

Now for my real horoscope today.

Quickie:You've got the type of charm that gets you special treatment -- use what you have!

Overview:Jealousy isn't pretty, but as long as humans have managed to become involved in relationships, it seems to be a necessary evil. So when it comes along now, your job will be to handle it -- and not let it handle you.

Roses

He checked his cell right in front of me today. He faked disappointment when I hadnt sent any texts. That makes me more angry than the fact that he screwed me over. That he can stand there and fake something like that. He was so wrong. I dont love him anymore. I dont need to be reminded hes with her, not me. Im not that delusional. I dont wish he was with me. I dont want to smell that familiar smell that carries on his clothes. I dont want to look at him and think about everything in the past because thats exactly what it is. Its past and gone. Dust to dust.

He kept saying Im in denial. You know what I want ? I want him to stop telling me what I am and what I feel. He doesnt know that. He barely knows me. Im so different from the girl he knew. I feel and I love and I care. But not about him. Never about him. He was the thing I spoiled to make myself feel better. I needed something to try and fix so I could be guilt free. It just kinda turned around on me.

I keep having this horrible gut feeling that I should run away. Far far away. That way I'd never have to drive near his work. I wouldnt live up the hill from it. I wouldnt give a shit about anything. I wish he had cut things short today. I wish he hadnt told me that if he wasnt with her he'd be with me. That was such a kick to my teeth. "If I wasnt with this person who I think is better than you, I'd be with you". Ok first question... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ?! Just fuck off with that meandering bullshit and I'll do the same. I will quit telling my drama land stories if you just fuck off and get to the point and give me what I came for and fuck off. I read something on a bathroom wall today. I rather liked it.

"If you love someone, set them free.
If they come back .... tell them to FUCK OFF."

Soon to be my new mode of transport an "04 Chevy Avalanche