dont even ask - lake louise files 

the power of scent

So as I was sitting here at 12:26 AM contemplating an early bedtime so I could cuddle with Kota the infamous puppy (shes soo cute). I looked at my long forgotten blue coffee cup and decided to test how cold it was. Quite cold, and not very appealing in taste. None the less still coffee. Then I realized how powerful the smell of coffee was to me, it make me think of my grandmother. For some reason she just always smells like coffee. Its not a bad thing it just brought me back to the smell of her housecoat when we'd sit outside and look at stars. This has been happening alot, my grandfather (to this day) wears old spice so if I smell it I feel like Im 4 yrs old again grabbing bottles and bottles of it off shelves for fun. Laundry detergents are the worst (PS. Parker, what the fuck did you use when you gave me your Tool hoodie... I much desire my clothes to smell like that ... yes Im creepy).
Anyways ... even the smell of Kota after her bath today didnt bug me because I knew that every time I smell a wet dog (hopefully not alot) it will remind me of the super cute way she whimpered when I stuck her in the bathtub and how promptly after she rolled herself in the dirt therefore destroying in any way shape or form a bit of cleanliness on her. Shes sleeping in my bed right now, being all cute and puppyishes. Im getting off track, anyways... just all these certain smells bring back memories for me. Its not always good and its not always sweet but at least Ill never forget... maybe.

Its not that I care

The more it seems like hes going farther away , the more it seems like I want to hold on. I dont even know what to say when he calls . Its like ... doesnt he know? He doesnt seem to care. So I'll let go and buy another pet to cover the pain.

Two Feets

AGHHHHH!!! I made this Santa Fe salad and its fucking burning my tongue off. Pain! Pain! Pain! Well its all relative I suppose. There are many levels of pain. Emotional, Physical and so on. Im sure physical has no where near the amount of levels as emotional does. Ooh Im listening to Chester Bennington from Linkin Park sing "System" from the Queen of the Damned soundtrack, the only thing I hear is Jon Davis screaming out his pain in that song. He CREATED all of those motherfucker. Not that Chester doesnt do a good job, he does. I just wish it was Jon Davis' voice. *sigh* ... Now Im watching the video for "The Perfect Drug" By NIN ... I WANT TO HAVE TRENT REZNOR'S BABIES!!! I love him. Although very creepily when I look at him in this video all I can see is Richard. Damn him to hell. Its just ... they look so alike. Facial form and everything. I have nothing more to write. Ok I lied. I do I just dont feel like being emo and whining about the one I want.

Mantwon and the infamous lawn gnome Jesse Kane in my much loved knee high boots 

MAGICAL NIGHT

So kittens, it all started with c0mablack asking me to a Jakalope concert, a bit skeptical as I did enjoy their single but heard the rest was shit. But let me tell you. SO wrong. My God the opening band RioBent was so fucking amazing I could have creamed in my panties. The lead singer was probably one of the hottest girls Ive ever seen in my fucking LIFE. Dispute me how you will but I thought she was fucking GORGEOUS. So continuing it led on to me being mouthed off by a emo goth kid and feeling like shit for about 10 minutes before I perked up when Jakalope took the stage at Mac Hall... Katie B. is quite... pretty... yes... pretty... shes short and from Airdrie. But one of her amazing attributes would be her fucking MIND BLOWING voice... I swear to God angels dont sound that sweet no matter how hard they try.

So my feet hurt, my body is numb and my hands even hurt from the effort of typing this. But you know what? Totally fucking worth it. WORTH IT BABY!!! And on top of everything, Insomniak will hate me until the end of his days. I met Dave from Skinny Puppy, and he TOUCHED me... well hugged me and signed my ticket and my Jakalope cd. Goddamned goodnight I say.

The End

This is the end of my beloved blog until a certain bitch can stop reading it. Which she wont. So I hereby close the doors to my life until the creation of my next blog. Im sorry. If you want the address to my new blog email me or find me on msn till then .. ta ta kiddies. .. ill miss this blog.

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA too funny (thanks to Insomniak)  

you

i want you to know
that your forgotten
gone forever
the spiral swallowed you
not even a trace of ash
in your wake

go get your knife

Im slowly realizing how much I hate being alone. I mean in the sense that Im STUCK in this apartment and not having anyone around. Its devestating and I feel like crying most of the time. The only people who visit are Boy Wonder (ie. RockSt*r) and Insomniak, who is leaving for a 2 week hiatus in the boonies of buttfuck nowhere (ie. saskatchewan).
I feel fucking awful.
Everything is seeming to grind to a halt.
A complete stop.
I have to grow up soon and I really dont want to.
My mom blames me for what happened to the house. Apparently I "jinxed" the deal and it went sour. Because of moi. Didnt talk to the lawyers didnt threaten the buyers didnt bash the walls of the house in (even if I wanted to) and I just put negative energy into it. What the fuck is that bullshit. Blame your daughter for that? What the fuck is wrong with you? Honestly. Your probably going to read this. And I KNOW what you did with the money from Hazel and I KNOW you hooped Grandpa out of a shitload of money. Not even Im that bad. So maybe before you start hopping around and blaming me for everything thats gone wrong in your life you should sit down and look at what YOU have done. Not me. Not Brad. Not John. Not Dylan. Not Grandpa. Look at your own life ... I didnt fuck everything up for you and I refuse to believe that. Im sick of being someone you can abuse and pick on. Tell me my makeup is wrong, my clothes are wrong, my hair is wrong, im too fat im too ugly im nothing but a slut in your eyes. Every time you throw nasty things in they STICK to me and they hurt. But do you notice? No you dont. Ive hurt you back, but nothing compares to the things youve said to me. At least I have some decency when it comes to my own mother when to hold back . I dont fight as hard as I should with you. Just back the fuck up off me and blame someone else for the house deal falling through. OH LETS SEE , maybe the buyers who fucked their finances? yeah start with them. And work on it till you know whose fault it really is.

19 

moi 

Close Encounters of the htriWian kind

HELLO CHILDREN! IT"S TIME TO LEAAAARN! Diyar! Go sit over there...beCAUSE i ASKED you niceleeeeeeeeeeeey! Turn to page 132 in the *clasps coffee mug and the handle breaks off* textbook. Now, class, the book says that Hitler killed all the Jews, but it's wrong; it was actually meeeeeeeeeeee! *drops stick of chalk into coffee mug* Yes, it wasn't Hitler, children, it was...Diyar! Go sit over there...because I asked you niceleeeeeeeey!!! BRent! What was the name of the world war one plan again? YEsssss! Oh i'm so witty! SO class, now i'm going to keep you after class and tell you about my amazing trip to Hungary and vividly describe how i was molested by a Turkish man named...Diyar! Go sit over there, because I asked you NICELEEEEEEEEEEEY! Now children,, did you see my new special on French television last night? I recorded it 50 years ago, and the shower curtains I was wearing cost 2,000,000 in prewar German marks...yes you see *regurgitates coffee into mug* They were a peachy-mauve, the colour of my bruised colon, want to take a look? Anyhoo, I once had some old prewar German money...but a student stole it...or did I sell it for heroin? I can't remember.
Oh, Tachae? I marked your test as being all wrong because I can't see due to the heroin needle pinholes in my eyeballs...Now this project is due next monday, even though I'm not going to tell you what it is or what's involved...i'll just say I told you on the day it's due...heheheh OKEY IT"S TIME TO SETTLE DOWN AND GET TO WOREK! oh, and Diyar...you cN COME BY MY SUMMER HUT AT THE CECIL for some "extra homework" if you want. Be sure to bring the pointy teaching pointer! CKLASS DISMISSED! SEIG HEIL!

Little Girls Are The Devil!!

Im not too sure why I named my post that, but I did. Im sitting here, its 5:06 am and I cant sleep. My foot hurts from lack of a toenail, my leg hurts because my dog slept on top of me and its so fucking hot in this apartment I want to die. BOILING. Agh! So I begged Insomniak to bring me delights of cool objects (frozen beef ANYTHING) and he is on his way (the whole block he must walk) FOR MEEEEEEEEEE. i go now.

Me Against Them

So it has begun. The roommate wars. They took my damn cupboard where I would be storing stuff and they have taken over the bathroom. Its disgusting, Ill make DAMN sure when I move into the next place that I have my own bathroom. Fuck this noise. They could have AIDS for all I fucking know. Why didnt I say it wasnt ok with me that they move in? Because its not my house. Thats why. Ugh. Her shit is LITTERED in the bathroom and not neatly either. Thank God Sharon gave me her purple flower friend basket for my necessities. *hiss* plus the fact of how fucking rude she is to me. KUNTZ. thats all I can say. The guy seems nice but I saw him eyeing my brand new super pricey computer system plus my belongings which are UNGUARDED during the night while I am with pie-pie and kitty-paws.

PS. does anyone feel like being paid to stay in my new house for me?

a tache case - MSN convo

The more that it's surrounding us, the more that it destroys. says:
if someone killed you and put your torso in a suitcase
The more that it's surrounding us, the more that it destroys. says:
it would be
The more that it's surrounding us, the more that it destroys. says:
a tache case.
*Tachae* ~ fa! upgrade! says:
SHUTUP
The more that it's surrounding us, the more that it destroys. says:
er tachae case
The more that it's surrounding us, the more that it destroys. says:
i thought it was a clever play on words

Predictable (GC)

i still dont know why i let you in . so you dont have to call or say anything at all . so predictable. so take your empty words and broken promises. and all the time you stole. im giving back what you gave me. i knew it all along... so predictable.

End of the World (one can only hope)

So according to something I read on http://www.badmonkey.ca , the new pope signifies the end times. As thrilled as I would normally be with this little revelation (I quite like that word) I honestly dont think anyone knows when these supposed end times are. Everyones been saying end times since the beginning of time and therefore its all a hunk of shit. Could be today, could be tomorrow or next week. But Im fairly sure we're safe from the invasion of Angels or Aliens.
I dont think Ratzinger (or whatever his name may be) is any good for this world. Like come on, Hitler Youth cannot be good. Trained to hate hate hate. My grandparents know a couple down their street who were Hitler Youth, they are so bitter and twisted. They cant see anything else. They are blinded. I have to admit I have racist tendencies, but holy fuck if you grew up in my family its damn near impossible to not be like this. Back to my main point, you all have nothing to worry about ... The new pope will fuck up the world somehow, but who didnt know that?