Bianco & Nero - long ago artwork 

Ringers, Zingers, Wangers & Twangers.

Clubbin'. Thats the ring tone thats set as my primary loud on my pretty little Nokia (which took a swimming vacation in john's truck - i still hate you it says-). Moving along, this certain ring tone is something Ive had for the last 8 months or so. Im really starting to get annoyed. Because it means that every time I hear it theres a 90% chance Im going to have to listen to someone blab on in a monotone voice while they spill useless information or listen to the screeching harpy noises my mother emits. I used to love cell phones. I really did... this is my 8th in 4 years... or is it 9th? Could be either. Allright so the point of this blog is , I am SICK of being contacted with useless phone calls. I am SICK of being available. Guilt eats away at me when I dont answer it. Especially if my Grandpa calls when Im sleeping, he pays the bill so he expects me to answer but I mean ... IM SLEEPING. I didnt grow up on a farm and have to wake up at 4am everyday. Therefore.. no calls before 11.. that goes for EVERYONE. Except Scoot's random wake up messages. Which are welcome because he NEVER fucking phones. Ass. Thats my rant for now.
PS. I HATE MOVING.

not showered and DEFINITE bed head 

Mcpukes? anyone? -MSN blog-

This ancient wound; This catacomb; Beneath the whited snow says:
gara
*Tachae* ~ *beep* .... ..... WHY YOU SO GAAAY? says:
wam
This ancient wound; This catacomb; Beneath the whited snow says:
ahah hilarious, i also ate at dickmonalds
This ancient wound; This catacomb; Beneath the whited snow says:
i had hu
This ancient wound; This catacomb; Beneath the whited snow says:
3 double burgars.
*Tachae* ~ *beep* .... ..... WHY YOU SO GAAAY? says:
hu?
*Tachae* ~ *beep* .... ..... WHY YOU SO GAAAY? says:
ew?
*Tachae* ~ *beep* .... ..... WHY YOU SO GAAAY? says:
EW
This ancient wound; This catacomb; Beneath the whited snow says:
and teh fries.
*Tachae* ~ *beep* .... ..... WHY YOU SO GAAAY? says:
EWWWWWW
*Tachae* ~ *beep* .... ..... WHY YOU SO GAAAY? says:
the fries here SUCKED no salt whatsoever
This ancient wound; This catacomb; Beneath the whited snow says:
oh man
*Tachae* ~ *beep* .... ..... WHY YOU SO GAAAY? says:
i just chucked them in the back of the jeep
*Tachae* ~ *beep* .... ..... WHY YOU SO GAAAY? says:
im like
This ancient wound; This catacomb; Beneath the whited snow says:
the fries here
*Tachae* ~ *beep* .... ..... WHY YOU SO GAAAY? says:
ew
This ancient wound; This catacomb; Beneath the whited snow says:
were the best fuckin mcds fries EVER.
*Tachae* ~ *beep* .... ..... WHY YOU SO GAAAY? says:
I HATE YOU
This ancient wound; This catacomb; Beneath the whited snow says:
it was like jesus christ came down
*Tachae* ~ *beep* .... ..... WHY YOU SO GAAAY? says:
SHUTUP ABOUT YOUR MAGIKAL FRIES
This ancient wound; This catacomb; Beneath the whited snow says:
adn hand fucking picked each fry just for me.
*Tachae* ~ *beep* .... ..... WHY YOU SO GAAAY? says:
ahahahahahaa
*Tachae* ~ *beep* .... ..... WHY YOU SO GAAAY? says:
i hate you
*Tachae* ~ *beep* .... ..... WHY YOU SO GAAAY? says:
so much
This ancient wound; This catacomb; Beneath the whited snow says:
he's like "shit that one isnt good enough for chris. i'll just sneak that one *munch*"

WHY

WHY MUST THE CRUEL FATES OF LIFE TAUNT ME... I MISS KOTA ... I MISS MY LIFE. I FEEL DISPLACED. I THREATENED THE SEMI-BAD ONE WITH TERMINATION OF ANY FRIENDSHIP AND IT MADE NOOOO AFFECT ON HIM ... WTF? I AM SO SICK TO DEATH OF PEOPLE FUCKING WITH ME. JUST FUCKING GROW UP GO MAKE STUPID WORM BABIES AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. FOR INSTANCE.. HER!! DID SHE HAAAAVE TO DO THIS TO ME? NO ... DID SHE ? YES. WHY ... BECAUSE SHES A CUNNTTTT... YES IM TYPING IN CAPS AND USING MORE LETTERS THAN I SHOULD WITH WORDS. IM VERY VERY DISPLEASED RIGHT NOW ... ID QUOTE EZEKIEL 25:17 BUT IM NOT VERY RIGHTEOUS. IM A GODDAMN WHORE. A GODDAMN SINNING WHORE. IVE HAD TO SACRIFICE MY LIFE .. AND FOR WHAT? SO THAT EVIL WOMAN COULD SIT THERE IN HER HOME WITH ALL HER GLORY GONE OUT. I MEAN IT I FUCKING MEAN IT, WHEN MY TIME COMES JUST FUCKING OFF ME AND BE DONE WITH IT.. NONE OF THIS VEGETABLE SHIT. AND AS FOR THE SEMI BAD ONE WHO IS SOON TO BE THE COMPLETELY EVIL SHITHEAD OF DOOM ... FUCK YOU. JUST FUCK YOU. THATS RIGHT. GO DIE.

Fighting Like Cats & Dogs (Literally)

Last night was pretty kickass, me and JAMJAM were freezing our asses off in her backyard so we got her dad to start us a fire (as we were too incompetent) and proceeded to sit there and warm our feets. Yes I said feets. Fuck off. Anyways our little group slowly progressed into a bigger group and all by accident. . . then Boy Wonder showed up with an ample supply of alcohol (I made a huge mistake and picked VEX... *gag*) and good times were had by all ... oh wait except when everyone picked on me and told me I had a penis because I got mad at JAMJAM's french neighbor and told him to suck my dick... The things I say ... honestly... I dont know where I come up with this shit.
Sitting around a fire has always seemed so boring to me, but it was actually one of the better times Ive had in a long time. We were all immensely entertained by JAMJAM's story of "so I was in the kitchen and then my sister said something to me ... and then it was bad" ahahahaha. Story time with Jamie. . . fucking hilarious. I was equally bad because Jeremiah (WAS A BULLFROG) told me "The student has not yet become the master" which spurned the Frenchies into calling me a grasshopper. Im sure your all very entertained with my play by play of a drunken fire night.

Kota leaves today ... Ill be pretty sad actually ... Of course ill still see her.. but im going to miss having a big cute stinky thing to sleep on my feet. I made my bed on the couch last night when i was too drunk to go to my own and the little shit plunked herself down on my pillows and went to sleep so I just laid down and cuddled with her... (much to the displeasure of my cat who despises her).

Today Is National Tool day

So as I sit on Parker's bed whilst he plays A Perfect Circle, I revel in happiness because he bestowed his Tool hoodie on me. I hate gifts, but I mean when someone gives you something they have loved and broken in, it makes me like it. Even more... thats why I so adore it. When someone hands me birthday gifts or anything like that I instantly feel gross. I feel like ... ugh what do they want from me? Or why must they feel obligated to give me things? WHY. So not fun. But gifts such as the new NIN cd and a Tool hoodie, they make things all right... I think its like the Scion of Balance. He likes his new shoes which is vair awesome because I did fear he wouldnt. I havent showered right now and I feel horrid and crappy for sitting on someones bed in my dirty Lu Lu Lemon pants and an oh-so-wonderful (no sarcasm it really is wonderful) Tool hoodie... Its just so perfectly broken in like ... so cool ... *nnnnggg*

Well I dont want to jinx my day so Im going to be quietly happy about my good fortune for it is sure to end. I have to get home to Kota. poor doggy.. .......

Jenny Mary

Her hands are paper thin. They are suprisingly strong but I can see where mortality has taken its toll. She looks at me with a crooked smile which makes me laugh because its just so french. She reminds me so much of my grandfather. Her 100th birthday is this year and I wonder if she'll stick it out that long. The nurses know her better than I do and I feel a stab of guilt that she lived down the hill for so many years of my young life and I never bothered to visit. Until Now. I wonder if its too late. The first time I even met her (that I can remember) was yesterday. She held my hand right away and I told her I was her sister's great-granddaughter. She seemed to think I was the spitting image of her dead mother Blanche and continued talking to me in french. It really got to me. Seeing her just laying there with life run out on the clock and no where to go really. Honestly, when your that age and your like that, what can you do with your life? Your not going to backpack across europe. Your not going to cure cancer or make a great feat apart from celebrating the fact that you've lived so long. I think I might be the Angel of Death. My great-grandfather died when he was 100 yrs old. Like a month off his 101st birthday. I went to the party I might have been 4-5 yrs old and there was a car accident right outside. I was so calm when I sat there and watched... Thats all I remember is looking out the window and be liking like .. "oh" and just going back to playing. It was huge accident. Someone had driven right into the house on the corner drunk driving and killed some woman. I wish I knew her name.
Anyways ... it seems ironic to me that Im always there at the end for old people.
The next thing Im wondering is ... "God... will I live THIS long? I sure as shit hope not." Shes lucid and she knows who I am or at least likes me and recognizes me as someone who belongs in this family. Thats scary, my own ... "real" family members dont even treat me like one of them. But suddenly I meet this aunt of mine that I never knew and she sees enough French in me that she knows Im one of hers. It makes me regret and feel more stabs of guilt about being a stones throw from her all this time, constantly driving past her very window and not realizing it, and not visiting. So much lost time. I dont feel exactly that way about my grandmother. I do regret that I dont visit her nursing home enough, but she has tons of grandchildren and great-grandchildren to do that too. This womans daughter was pretty much the only person who visited her continuously and she died of a heart attack last year. There are more cousins (Leslie Neilson (actor) fathered one of them ahahaha kinda funny). Anyways. . . she said I look like Elise, my great grandmother but my face is too long... Sheesh I feel like a horse face now. Oh well ... Id rather be insulted by this woman than any other member of my family anyways. It also shocked me because another woman was visiting her mother in there, and she told me that Jenny had lost alot of weight in the last 5 years.. Meaning ... this woman, who none of us knew... knew my aunt even better than I. Thats a real kick in the head. I feel like a granny dumper. Ahahahaha ... I told my mom that and now shes been calling me that all night. Well little boys and girls (or whatever the fuck you are) have a good morning...

PS. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KARLA!!! MAKE YOUR 18TH COUNT!!!

lululemon logo 

IMMA GET THIS TATTOOED ON MAAA AAASSSSSSS (sorry mom) 

You don't see me.

Well, lets make the topper on a WONDERFUL last couple of days. Lets see, my mom stepped on a condom left in my bathroom at 5:30am inadvertantly left there by me. Honestly theres an explanation and it wasnt a used one ... she still hasnt stopped screaming about how her bare foot touched it. As much as I want to laugh its really not cool. I didnt even know it was there ...

So moving along, my grandpa is once again slightly furious with me ... without me actually doing anything. The packing is coming along nicely, and by nicely I mean Ive done sweet fuck all. Well the clothes are in their designated piles and Im fighting the tears of saying goodbye. My new FCUK sweater is making me exceptionally happy ... Ive worn it twice.. but it needed to hit the washer to get that store smell out of it. I hate that smell. Anyways I am now the proud owner of Pusch pants. .. . .. . I just look at them and its like instant happiness... Alot like Lu Lu Lemon I must say ... not AS good but much like them.

Im listening to APC's Mer De Noms ... happily stolen from Insomniak after breakfast at Nellies (EARLY on a saturday morning). Its such a good cd. Ive only ever heard maybe 3 songs from it. It makes me want to be loved. Then I realize thats only a fleeting emotion and I forget it.
Then in realizing that I remember HIM and how much I miss HIM. I think its only because Im pmsing and Im getting very emotional. But Hes just not there anymore. There is no time for me. there never was. i need to let him go but i cant seem to do it. he doesnt even know. "you dont see me... you dont see me at all". I guess its not so bad. It only makes me cry a little.
Curse you 3 Libra's ... it makes me think of him too much. So never again will I listen to my favorite song. Never. The lyrics will echo in my mind forever.

3 Libras

threw you the obvious and you flew with it on your back, a name in your recollection
thrown down among a million same.difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed and passed over when i've looked right through to see you naked and oblivious
and
you don't see me.but i threw you the obvious just to see if there's more behind the eyes of a fallen angel, the eyes of a tragedy.here i am expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded.but i see through it all
and see you.
so i threw you the obvious to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel, eyes of a tragedy.
oh well. apparently nothing.
you don't see me.
you don't see me at all.

Cure It All My Dear

Im going to start dragging my demons out. They need to leave. First of all, the dragon lady commenced her bullshit of the evening with a guilt trip about me not "hanging" out with her. My grandmother has REPEATEDLY said children and parentals are not to be friends. So she ripped me apart in front of Brenna and then nagged and nagged for another hour. The evening gets better let me tell you ... so Erik just called me FAT. or fatter than I have been ... which makes me want to curl up in a ball and grab a bucket of ice cream and bawl into it because my obvious attempts at trying to kill my birth control weight havent worked so who gives a fuck? I know im not fat... but when someone thinks you are. It hurts. Alot. Everything is spinning out of control. Friends arent the friends you thought. The people Ive bent backwards, sideways for and what do I get? Knives in my fucking back... 24 hours a day.

if any of you have ever listened to 3 Libra's by A Perfect Circle ... uhm ... its a good song and it makes me want to cry. Mitchell, Im sorry. i really am.

Far

didnt you know that suicide was selfish? didnt you remember the night on the picnic table at camp with him and me? looking at stars and convincing ourselves that aliens were real? why can you do what i cant? why can you be free when im so trapped? stay frozen the way you left. youll stay the same in my memory. i hope.

Jahya

Damn you Insomniak!! I curse you and your cds... I like them too much ... I dont think Ill be able to give them back ... Im sorry... .... Skinny Puppy is fucking amazing by the way... Its totally insane.
So I had dinner with said mother tonight. Christ, what a fucking escapade that turned out to be ... "mind your elbows... dont sniffle at the table... use this napkin not that one... dont breathe..." I couldnt do ANYTHING right... then when the meal came ... I wasnt using my fork properly. For FUCK SAKES Im well over legal age, Im pretty damn sure I know how to use a fork spoon and knife (thanks to numerous etiqutte classes from said evil). I met Talicia (thats how you spell it apparently) and she is uber super duper nice. I was incredibly scared she'd be an evil bar star but she WASNT... shes an art major at the UofC. Her roommate Datanya is also very nice... quiet... but nice... on with my story ... Me and said evil lady of doom cannot or will not get along... everything I do just so happens to be horrible and wrong and therefore I live up to my name (tache' in french is a black stain or mark and tachae in latin means an unrepentable sin) Thanks Mom... you cursed me from day one apparently...
Oh.. theres this family reunion in August also. I sense evil doom reigning from that. My little spidey sense is going right off the radar in waves. I think my family is actually planning to just drag me out to the mountains, kill me and feed my remains to the wild animals.. this "reunion" business is all a ploy! Well thats all for today little kit-kats.

Late Night Coffee With Johnny

I AM SO HAP-EEE.. yes I am. I dont care if happy feelings are just little horomones that make me think Im happy because I really am. Entheogen was right about my horoscope this week was supposed to feel of super duper wonderfulness... and I keep waiting for the bottom to drop out. But it hasnt. Next week it might, but thats AGES away so HA suckers to the cosmic shit muffin of doom. Today the facist dentist had my wires tightened which while hurting like a filthy whore on may long weekend, actually did some good because its only been like 12 hours and my one tooth is almost completely in-line with the rest ... he said 2 more weeks and theyll be exactly perfect. AND THEY COME OFF IN JULY!!! (hopefully) Im so happy right now I dont actually care if they come off then or not. I saw Johnny-pretty-dodge-truck-boy tonight, it was vair awesome. I was very happy to see him as its been like a fucking YEAR and hes been too busy working in the evil north somewhere... I felt *special* apart from the fact I had very little time to look human around him ... it still kicked ass. Totally worth it. Next up, tomorrow I met Talisha .. I think thats how you spell her name. Yes.. sure... why not...
anyways and THEN on FRIDAY i get to see PARKER!!! yay for shopping (does the pope sink? HELL YEAH ... *apparently*) I know this blog isnt NEARLY as interesting as the one previous to this one and the comments it provoked so amusingly, but I wish happiness on all of you little kiddies for the rest of this week. But my next week may go to shit so then Ill bring out the voodoo dolls and start cursing all of you.
PS. I watched Dogma yesterday but didnt finish it ... I wish I had ... now I have a craving to watch it again.... ... ..... .. ehehehehee... 13th apostle... hehehhee... chris rock is a skinny mofo.

Alphabet Soup ( or crackers? )

A is for ArsonaL
B is for Blog
C is for Cunt
D is for Double Clicking your MOUSE (giggidy giggidy)
E is for Entheogen
F is for Femi-Nazi
G is for Goodle
H is for HATE
I is for Insomniak
J is for JAM JAM
K is for Katabasis
L is for LABIA
M is for MANSON (\m/)
N is for Nazi
O is for Orgasm
P is for PENIS
Q is for Quixote (whatever the fuck that is)
R is for Riccochet
S is for Scoot
T is for Tachae' (of course id put myself in here silly kiddies)
U is for UTERUS
V is for Vaginal Itch (ie. you)
W is for Wheelz
X is for X - System of a Down
Y is for Your a CUNT
Z is for Lil' Zee

It Cant Be My Birthday No No

Today is my birthday. I cant say how old I am because some people out there dont know the truth. Its an odd number... which is totally shitty as I was born on an even day of an even month of an even year. I wasnt even an hour into this birthday when my glee at recieving a voicemail from JAM JAM where she sung "happy birthday love pig" (thankyou peeg) and then someone dragged my happy thoughts through mud. They crashed and jinxed and burned my dreaded day . I said no drama, I REPEATEDLY said no drama. But no. they have to go and fuck with me. Maybe its just that rootbeer float coming back to haunt me. MILK WAS A BAD CHOICE. Well kittens Ive gotta be up early to venture forth into this cruel world and prepare' for my birfday. So ... have a good weekend... I wont be around ... those of you who have my cell number can call if you so very much need me .. (emergencies only or well wishers)

Ps. all I really want for a birthday gift is lego ... yes im too old for it, but mine got stolen when i was about 10 so im finally getting to play with it again. yes i know its reedickuluss but i dont give a shit ... my 76 yr old grandmother already reamed me out for it.

Lu Lu Lemon1 

Lu Lu Lemon

I bought lu lu lemon pants today. i feel pretty special. i just had to declare that.

Sin City

I saw Sin City tonight with marc and his brother ... err.. tom i think his name is ... it was insanely good in my books. Very very femi nazi-ish ... i was thrilled beyond words because of my recent anger with men . so therefore i reccommend it for girls who need some cheap thrills and a channel for the anger. Well cheap being $10.95 ... blah... so Im going to banff this weekend and i so far have 3 people on board. .. . let me know if you wish to come out and celebrate my coming of old age ... Christ .. im so old ... so fucking old ... come drinking before i shrivel and turn to dust. .. . . DRAMA QUEEN... there will probably be some of that .... anyways my anger has therefore drained down and I have not much to write about except that hot mutherfucking sex kitten mi-ho on sin city and her swastika throwing star. Fucking B-E-A-U-T-F-U-L... thats all i have to say... and fucking tina , you rock because all my other friends are DICKS that can suck me off but you saved me and fed me things so THANKYOU ...

Respect

there is something called "Respect" ... not many people know what this is. Or they do know and just dont care. I cared, but not ONE of you stupid fucks cared that I respected you and cared. So you didnt care when I was in trouble and needed help therefore I hate every single last one of you and hope you fucking choke on your own fecal matter. Especially you. and YOU know who you are. I dont want the fucking apologies I dont want the "wah wah" emo bullshit crap you spew. Im sick of being the nice girl who CONSTANTLY gives unto others. I am sick of being your whipping girl. I am sick of this life. Therefore I am done with all of you. You no longer mean anything to me. So stop reading this blog as it will never contain anything you will want to hear.