$#@&!!!!!!!

So once again I am subject to everyones fucking highschool drama bullshit. Look, if you have a problem with ME come to ME and deal with it. Dont call up your fucking bitch and tell them to deal with me. Act like a damn adult and do it yourself . And as for you "freak" Im still owed an apology. Not a screamed out one while someone else was holding the phone. You should be acting your age also (ahem 33) and not calling my bitch ass up and demanding WHY I told someones mommy how old you are. When I didnt. WHich is clear now ... so wheres my apology? Im fucking waiting. This is the end of all the shit im going to be putting up with. . . I hope thats clear. From now on, Im not taking phone calls from any of you dicksponges. You need someone to solve your problems? Do it yourself.

And as for you loser-who-lives-in-edmonton-with-a-teeny-wanker , stop being such a fucking pussy and crying your eyes out because your dicks too small and your girlfriends wont stay with you.. this isnt my problem. Stop stalking everyone and thinking your so cool, your nose is bent.. .you have no life and your a gumball on a horses dick ... so fuck off.

Men - Part 1

So I've been reading a certain person's posts on women and revealing all their weak points. In turn to show them that their being a pig and that my femi-nazi has been screaming to rant, Im going to write a few posts just about men. The name thing was completely mine and NOT inspired by so and so's little novel on women (for refrence http://www.insultmachine.com/imotu ) you go there.

So what he's been saying *in a nutshell* is that women are completely insecure, do not actually care about their male friends or significant others. Which to a point is true. But! How many women have had to constantly deal with the bullshit and heartache that men put us through? All of us. Every single last one. If you havent been broken by a guy... that means your a lesbian and you should disregard all of this. Does any guy realize how much stress a woman goes thru JUST to impress someone. We go that extra mile. We do the work. We're expected to be the pack mules and the ones who take the shit day in and day out. Even in this day and age, for a woman its incredibly hard. We have to fight for EVERYTHING we have... which makes getting it all that much better. Unlike men who are just given a job and expected to do it but dont actually appreciate the job they have or what they gain. They say WE only want more? I beg to differ.

Now , we all know those type of girls who get everything and have everything but its not enough. Im a spoiled little girl too ... but rarely if ever do I bitch that someone hasnt given me enough gifts. Moving along, if you change the subject of gifts to "little things" thats where something will catch you. Girls dont actually care about those shitty gifts (at least I dont) I DO NOT like flowers, I DO NOT like candy or anything of the sort. If you give someone something give it a fucking use. Be creative. This is where men fail and are burned alive. They are first and foremost "ME TARZAN... YOU JANE..... WE HUMP" so naturally you cant expect them to come up with a creative and useful gift. Im getting off track... what I really meant to say is instead of concentrating on what material gifts you can throw at a woman to "Woo" her, do something little. Show up at her work just to give her a hug. Leave notes (dont have to be mushy, could be a line from her favorite book or movie) ... do something that will show more than "I just wanna bone you" EVEN IF thats all you want. I already know that there is absolutely no point in thinking a guy likes you for more than that. He may appreciate your mind and soul but he's hunting for one primal reason. And yet time and time again we give it to them because they show the teeniest bit of respect and "Wuv" when we need it. WEAK I SAY, WEAK!!! Do Not let guys weasle in that easily . Do Not throw yourself at their mercy. Make them work, and when they say you ask too much get rid of them. Why settle for second best? Or last place? I dont care how great the sex is, if it takes leaving that person to make them appreciate you, do it. Up and leave flat out. ANd then dont go back to them just blaaam. Gone. Always make sure you get what you think is your highest standard. This does not mean "so and so has the tightest ass" or "hes got awesome eyes" .... physical is great ... wonderful... but if their rotten to the core inside youll only end up screwing yourself.

Tomorrow I'll tackle Evil Tall One's theory on why women want to stay friends because they HATE to lose things that they have invested so much time in. Today's rant was pretty much all over the page, but you know what? I dont care. Men should learn some GD respect and if they cant handle a girl making a few comments... it only upholds my opinions. =) Nite Nite Kiddies.

Pre-Destiny In A Guy's Name

Allright this is my whole idea on guys and how their name just automatically dooms them to be certain people with set personalities (based on my amazing opinion of course, i should fucking know).
To begin, I have to start with...

-Ryan's.
This type of male is generally quiet, loves sexual interaction but still refuses to disclose ANY personal information. May take years to get a birthday out of them. They also have terrible memories. Their uses include, someone to rant at if you dont want someone whose actually going to listen or care, and the obvious reasons. Oh yeah, apart from one. Their all VERY tall. It scares me how accurate that is. they are also my cryptonite (yes im a geek so fuck you, i tried to marry one when I was 4... so that shows how evil they truly are)... very quiet...

-Steve's.
Generally MUCH too nice of people. Women tend to walk all over them (when they dont deserve it) , they are usually very tidy somewhat anal people, but are very easy to convince of your own way if you invest the time and energy of a few minutes. Their uses include... a good friend who will listen and give almost always straight opinion (warning: this may hurt your feelings) dont always make good shoppers though.. Even though I think they should. Moving along we come to ...
-Todd's...
My least favorite of the whole group. These ones are extremist's . Either they tend to have very amazing expertise or they are completely terrible... Its ALWAYS the extreme. They decieve you into thinking they have feelings too, I assure you this IS NOT true... Do Not be fooled. Their uses include once again, meaningless sex if you really feel like wasting your precious time, and someone to base your self-loathing on. (they are also very messy or extremely clean, like I said, extremists).
Allright....
- Adam's .
Whoops. When I just said Todd's were my least favorite, I really meant Adam's . These guys are always a peice of work. Usually very geeky but afraid to admit it. They cannot see flaw in themselves and think they deserve Grade A peices of Ass. Sorry boys. you dont. They are also very big on not cleaning or anything. Uses include : sweet fuck all... no good at anything as far as ive seen... wait if you need your computer fixed... so yeah one thing.
-Ben's
I can honestly say I have a VERY educated opinion on Ben's. I grew up with many and they were all very hyper, they love to fight and their daredevils. I cant say Ive liked all of them but for the most part they are fun and good for a laugh . Except for you Ben B. (4th grade, you farted on me and I'll NEVER forgive you) But apart from that and a few minor flaws they are A-Ok. Uses include : a good laugh, attention (if its the kind you want is negotiable) and love alcohol and are easy to influence.
-Tyler's
Another interesting bunch. From what Ive seen they are very honest, true-hearted people. They will help you in any situation. The downfall to these ones are their temper. It can get very heated and chances are you will NOT win an argument with them.Not always violent but they are unafraid of most things (or pretend not to be) and will step up to any challenge, and are VEERRRRRYYY stubborn. Uses include : a friend when your in DIRE need and also a good laugh. Cocky at times. Most times actually.
-Andrew's
..........First off... Stay away from these. Im dead serious... Uses are slim to none and are usually self centered and disgusting ...
-Brian's (Bryan's)
These type are 99% of the time very happy and easy to get along with. I have not had any problems with them yet, which is amazing. When something is wrong they are never quick to blame another person or try to push their problems on other people. They are "generally" peaceful but when provoked its a toss up. Uses : also make good friends who listen but are almost always too busy to listen much .( not a bad thing, it shows they have lives) .
-Chris's .
What can I say, Ive only known 1 good Chris ever. And thats Chris Schembri, one of my only favorite friends from high school who isnt a complete dickhead. The rest are for the most part very untidy and disgusting. They do not take care of their space AT ALL... (no offence to Chris S. because I think hes ok) but the rest YOUR EFFIN' PIGS DUDES!!!... Uses include : pretty useless... I see nothing there. (once again, Chris S. is very much excluded).
-Dan's
These guys are just comical. They are VERY whiny and high matienience. They are in need of CONSTANT attention and always need reassurance of everything. This starts to push one's patience to incomparable points. Uses : I havent bothered to stick around long enough to figure that out. So my opinion is thus far unfinished on these guys.
-Dave's (David's)...
Well... These ones are kinda hard to make a statement about. They are all over the map, up , down and sideways. Either they are rotten on the inside or not so rotten and kinda ok, so almost just like everyone else in the world. Which makes them so dangerous. they slip under your radar until you dont know it and your comfortable. then BLAAAM. they do something VERY bad. so watch out for them ... Sneaky buggers.
-Derek's (not enough info to make an assessment just yet , BUT so far so good).
-Greg's ....
They seem so nice at first. But after a point they are no longer good guys... they are demons in kitty coats. You have been forewarned. Uses include : errr... dont use them... quite dirty business if you ask me.
-Jason's
Sometimes I get a very big vibe from them that everything is not quite "straight". Im not saying for all. But from what I have personally seen, out of about 16 Jason's that I am aquainted with . .. . it seems to strike true. Uses : good listener's and generally very good cooks.
-Jay's
One of my truest and most favorite guy friends is named Jay. So obviously they are technically very amazing people but not always sincere. There are possible other forces at work within a Jay... their downfall lies in their arrogance and self-obsession . Uses : Advice on physical aspect and sports.
-Jeremy's
This type is a complete toss up. I know many many Jeremy's and they are all types.. .Cameleon's you could say. So I cannot make any type of judgement on these.
-Johnny's (Jonny's)
These guys are CONTINOUSLY there for you, wether you want them to be or not. They can be counted on for most things but also have the unfortunate selfish side of the coin if you care to gamble. Ive known many wonderful guys named John... and just the rest are exact opposites and evil to the core. Watch your step with them. Also they generally are truck guys. Uses include : Someone to hang out with and just bum around with or have fun.
-Mark's ....
this is one name I refuse to touch upon as it could end up with a very unhappy outcome (Parker, I know your first name is Mark but i refuse to judge you on that if you perchance read this blog, unlikely but I must always be prepared. this is ONLY because your not an asshole like all other mark's, allright your still an asshole but you arent too bad with it)
-Scott's
Ah always very good for someone to be a jackass and make you laugh. For some reason all the Scott's I know are Irish. So I feel like im being unfair if I say all Scott's are as jovial as the ones I know... Not enough information to make a call on this.

Allright Im done .... FOR NOW....
If you have ANY complaints feel free to email me. tachae_m@hotmail.com I'll gladly confront any issues that come to my attention.

Survivor, Pg. 216

And it was sinking?

"It was beautiful," she says. "The travel agent said not to come crying back to her. It was an old French Line ship, the travel agent warned us, only now it was sold to some outfit in South America. It was very art deco. It was trashed. It was the Chrysler Building floating sideways in the ocean and cruising up and down the Atlantic coast of South America full of lower-middle-class people from Argentina and their wives and kids. Argentineans. All the light fixtures on the walls were pink glass shaped into gigantic marquise-cut diamond shapes. Everything on the ship was in this pink diamond light and the carpets has big stains and worn-out spots."
We're dancing in place, and then we start to turn.

War

War is such a dirty disgusting thing. One of my favorite friends, Patrick N. is being deployed to Iraq within the week . Fuck, it hurts so bad to even think that something might happen to him. Hes got a wonderful (although somewhat crazy) fiancee, Sheri. And Im so fucking scared that hes not going to come home . Hes in Warner Robins, Georgia waiting to ship out. . . I just started crying when he told me how much he loves Sheri and it hit me for the millionth time that he might not come back . So fucking scared. Why do I have to care so much? If I didnt care about anyone this much it wouldnt hurt so fucking bad. I dont even want to think about how worried I am anymore. i was trying to hide the fact that I was crying for the last hour on the phone to him and just let him talk but he asked me what was wrong. and I just let it out. and i hated the fact he knew i was crying, he kept saying "its ok its ok tach its ok" but NO its not fucking ok. Iraq is a really fucking horrible place and I know him ... I KNOW he'll want to get into as much shit as he can, no matter how many times he promised that he wouldnt.
The first time he told me he found out he was going i think my heart stopped. I havent really had to deal with too much death in my life, there was Jeff (drunk driver) and a step-grandpa who was an amazing person. But im too fucking young to a lose a friend like this. I wish i could turn this all around, i wish i wasnt so fucking upset because hopefully im worrying about nothing. on a side note, he confused my cell number with sheri's when i sent him a text message and said "I MET SOMEONE AMAZING" and he freaked out and thought sheri was cheating . it was kindve funny in a sorta half assed way... because he called me screaming about what a dumb evil cheating slut she was ... and im like "uhhhh i sent that message what are you on?" anyways i needed to get that bit of pain off my chest.

Survivor , pg.277

" To calm this girl down, to get her to listen, I tell her the story about my fish. This is fish number six hundred and forty-one in a lifetime of goldfish. My parents bought me the first one to teach me about loving and caring for another living breathing creature of God.
Six hundred and forty fish later, the only thing I know is everything you love will die. The first time you meet that someone special, you can count on them one day being dead and in the ground. "

(Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor, Pg.277)

Tic-Tac's & Small Town Drama

"You drift off to wake up ... do you always hit the brakes?"

I know I dream too high, thats why I prefer mostly to not dream because im only going to get let down . It sounds sad but its my whole sheild. If I just keep it there I wont get hurt, and I dont unless I drop it for a second. When I meet someone I like so much I instantly shut them off. I dont hang out with them and I dont call them too much . Therefore I cant get hurt, but I end up burning all those bridges. I had my best friend in the whole world ask me if I hated her the other day. It was such a shock, even those I love because their my close friends, I shut them down without even noticing it. Im wondering if its so odd to just want to be loved but be alone?
Like back to my previous blog. I feel guilt because I dont need anyone. I need my friends and some family (and kitty of course) but I dont need that constant boyfriend to make myself go every morning when I look in the mirror " OMG he cares about me, my self worth has instantly sky rocketed!!" Because Ive noticed I start feeling worse about myself when Im with someone, usually it has nothing to do with that person . Its just me. I become obsessed with making them happy and being stupidly happy. And thats just what it is.. Its not real .. Love is for old people. Sure like I said, I love my friends. Id die for Faye, Jamie, Arthur, Garnett, Steve T. and Patrick. (and anyone else I didnt include doesnt mean I dont care about you) . They just all fufill peices to me.
Most guys dont even see me, either they see tits and ass. Or they see a weird girl who does outrageous things. And Im not sure how much I like either of those. I honestly hate being observed. I know I act like I want to be the center of attention but I loathe it. I really do . I wondered how much I dont listen to my friends. Im starting to feel like I only blah blah about myself. My new policy is Im going to start being more quiet. I was super silent for about 5-6 years through junior high and highschool, and thats when my whole bangs-in-the-eyes started. I want to hide and just be left alone and only choose to be socially interactive when I please. It sounds horrible and unhealthy. But I need my time to figure out what Im going to with everyone.

Faye, youll probably never read this. But You have no idea how sorry I am for not hanging out enough in the last few months. Youve been there for me every day since that camp week at James River. And through my stupid misconceptions and lack of a brain this last while, I just shut you out. And I am so sorry . I want you to know that everything you do for me as a friend is so nice and it means so much to me. The crazy irish shirt you made me for my 15th birthday? Or the handmade cards that you put so much work into every year and whenever you feel like it would be fun for no reason ( the card with the heart shaped potato on the front).

It makes me so happy and I feel like Im screwing you over because I never know how to react. My natural instinct is to just buy you a bunch of stuff because Im trying to be nice. But I dont know if thats the kind of friendship you want in return. I know I may have been wrong in doing this, but when we were at River's Edge with Becky that summer and I had a huge blowout fight with you (our first one ever) I read your journal. It was laying on your bed and I came in and looked at it. I will never forget the part you wrote about us fighting and how much pain you felt over it. I sat down and cried for an hour and I couldnt look you in the eye for days. I remember the entire fight was my fault. And I still feel entirely worse for it. I know it was so long ago. like 4 years? But I think about it all the time. I still know the chances of you reading my blog are slim to none, as you have a very cute distaste for computers.

Steve, I know I give you shit for not calling enough or writing me when you went away to DC. I never truly appreciated how much you loved me and all the times you were there to just listen and call me "Tosh" in that atrocious southern accent that I hated but came to love. I want you to know Im sorry when I screwed up when you left for boot camp and I moved away. I didnt write when I promised and it killed you on the inside. Even now, when you call and tell me you love me just because. And I know its just because you do. And I appreciate it. Even when you dont say it I hear it in the pause and then you laugh and I just know. Your one of my favorite friends but Ill never come to agree with your music tastes. *gag*

This post has been super long and Im going to close it now. Just because I didnt write about those people doesnt mean Im not going to. You know I love you even if all I do is spit acid and screech like a banshee and act like I hate everything.

Killer Kitty Kat

So Ive finally gotten to this point in my life where I dont even feel the need to whine that I have no one "special" in my life. Is this weird? I have tons of friends that are there for me and that I can talk to about anything. They fufill those peices where someone else should be... But isnt. I just cant fathom the idea of giving up all the freedom Ive worked so hard for. Can anyone? Sure, I like people. Well certain people... But something inside of me just wants to fight any little spark that could lead to the all evil word "Dating" ... Its so .... terminal... like an illness that creeps up out of the floor. Its not that I never want to have anyone. I just cant do it right now... maybe for the next 5 years I wont be able to do it... I spent too much of my teenage life constantly worrying about who I would have, would they care about me... BLAH FUCKING BLAH... Its soo much to let it consume you.
Im just at this point where Im SCARED if I fall for someone theyll find out and think less of me.. Therefore if I refuse to let myself fall into such a filthy trap ... I cant get hurt and Ill be ok. Well enough of that .... Insomniak is making me listen to weird elevator-emo-scottish-wang-dinger music/// FAREWELL KIDDIES!!!

THIS IS NOW

so Steve-O was down for the weekend, it had its ups and downs... his friends drove down earlier on saturday to pick up a car and so on and so forth....
On with my fucking story.... im sitting with Josh and Steve drinking and just laughing so i go to the washroom and come back ,,... wonder of wonders those fucking skank Bags i knew in junior high who completely demolished me and made me feel like shit.... T. Romanchuk and K. Withel .... wittel withel who gives a fuck. . . ... . .. when i first saw them they gave me the most disgusted looks id ever seen ... i was like... WHAT THE FUCK... then i looked again and noticed who they were... the whole remainder of our time was spent of me dreaming up things to do to them... i begged my waitress to spit in their drinks... anything... . .... and i never sucked it up and just walked up and told them "look i think your both the biggest damn cunts to walk the earth" .... i dont think i did it because i was having a mental war... do i lower myself to their standards? do i give a shit? yeah i do... which is sad in its own way... the only consolation i have is that im considerably taller than them now... and i could have smacked them both and not worried about how much they could hurt me... and i missed my fucking chance to give a bit of payback for the TONS and TONS of nasty shit they did to me
You know what... im sorry to all of you petty little whores. i really am.. im sorry i couldnt fit in with you... im sorry that you didnt have parents with any fucking money im sorry that you felt that by calling me "whore" "penny hooker" or anything otherwise would get you oh-so-far in life. IM FUCKING SORRY YOU FEEL THE NEED TO JUSTIFY YOUR WORTHLESS FUCKING EXISTENCE BY MAKING EVERYONE MISERABLE.... im sorry you just couldnt be a normal person and let someone live..... obviously the way they treated me is my fault... right? i should have known it would be that way... i should have known theyd get jealous and petty over anything anyone else had.. . . . . . .all my fault... .well fuck you... this is my message to you.. .FUCK.... YOU.... im still wishing for the day when your going to wake up all alone and realize jr high and high school ARENT life... could take a while... thats fine... WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.... unfortunately steve o told me i should be the "better" person and not attempt anything bad ... . .... . . . . .... .. . .. . . . . . . . .. . . . . .WHY DIDNT I DO IT...... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCKKKKK... im done for now... but thats my latest ranty piss off...
and i was doing so well with my anger management... so well... until today...

Ohmygiddygodstrousers

Well, my video game obsession has died off for a few days. My hands and wrists can take no more... (sounds so dirty) . I have to go hunting for job interview type clothes tomorrow.. I have the shoes!! so cute... as they should fucking well be for $130. I guess thats not that much for shoes... but I could have bought some billabong or roxy shirts for that much money.. .and Id be just as happy.

So I have Metallica cranked... I wonder if this is the source of my weird dreams. I had a dream I was in Scott's truck (he doesnt have a truck) and we went to his friends house, where he proceeded to try and drown me in the swimming pool. It was really fucked. Since I really like Scott ... but I guess he secretly wants to kill me. I DONT WANT TO GO TO MY JOB INTERVIEW!!! but if I perchance cancel the Dragon Lady will tell on me and I'll get no money from my grandpa ( who called me (MEEEE!!!!) ) an old maid... how rude... calling me an old maid... when hes 86!! anyways im off to sleep this weather is giving me trousers... what i mean its giving me migraines... i cant type, i cant think,.... i must be old... off to the home with me...

Sad But True ...

So what did Tachae' do so productively with her weekend? She parked her ass in front of the tv and played 23 hours of mindless video games until forcibly taken away from the ps2 controller and tied down and made to go do something that would better the world.. like shower and put on clothes. And this is exactly why I will NOT be trying to play World Of Warcraft. My addiction to it would probably get disgustingly bad and Id end up glued to my computer only surfacing for something to eat and possibly sleep... Plus my effin' hands hurt so damn bad from holding that evil ps2 controller...

Its 2:17 am and Ive just realized how boring and ultimately horrible I am... I turned my friends down to go out 4 nights in a row. I think Ive become a complete hermit. All I do is sleep for 4 hours get up and glue myself to my tv or listen to Metallica.. I have a job interview on wednesday *blech*... i hate working... i loathe it.. but i need to get out and do something or ill just rot away... i wonder if anyone would notice... my cat would starve.. if i die i want it clear that she is NOT to go to Big Red. (ie firecrotch) she does horrible things to animals .... (hamsters, guinea pigs, fish and her dog) my cat may be evil but she deserves a good home so someone whose nice and loving should step up and take her in the event of my death... and not my mom either.... shes mean to her ... anyways!! i watched "Swept Away" with madonna... i have to say... WHAT A FUCKING CRAP MOVIE!!! yeah... it blew about 50 goats in a row... old goats...
ok im done... i need to sleep cuz i baked cookies!!! yay!!! cookies!!! but their for my grandpa... i hope he doesnt die... i really try so hard with my baking skills but they go nowhere.

~Elegance~ Part 2.

What is Elegance?
It is a sort of harmony that rather resembles beauty with the difference that the latter is more often a gift of nature and the former a result of art. If I may be permitted to use a high sounding word for such a minor art, I would say that to transform a plain woman into an elegant one is my mission in life.

-----Genevieve Antoine Dariaux

"Typing for Tachae"

There's this princess that I know, she really digs the Dr. Phil show.. she always thinks she's too fat, but she's actually "all that." Even though she's got ghetto booty, and likes some music that's pretty fruity, all things considered, Tachae's pretty hot, and now that i've said this im going to get shot!


- Arthur -

~Elegance~

So Ive been reading this book called "Elegance" by Kathleen Tessaro. It shocked me, because when I first picked it up in Chapters, I didn't really think I would like it. I only purchased it for the sole reason, I liked the cover. What an awful reason to buy it right? But no. I completely adore it. Its based on the real book Elegance, by Madame Genevieve Antoine Dariaux, and its about this woman Louise, who is very miserable with her whole life. She feels she is drab, boring and otherwise ugly. Her mother-in-law is a former model from the 1950's, and is a cold empty woman who is all about acting sweet and sincere but is neither of those. Her husband is British ( I once heard a saying "I have a theory that all British men are gay" and its true to this story) he is kind and loves Louise very much, but it is not the kind of love she needs. She finds the book by Madame Dariaux in a used book store, and falls instantly in love with it. Her first favorite saying is "Never be seduced by anything that isn't first rate." I absolutely adore it. Im not quite done the book, but I think its amazing. I just wish it was longer. Unfortunately, I dont think theres a second book. Who knows, the ending might just be perfect... And I too, have found my holy grail...