God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the Masterpiece.
You Are Strong, & Victory Shall Come To You Rather Easily.
Monday, January 24, 2005
"Eine Tasse Tee" - Bif Naked
Alright, this is my poem, its called "Eine Tasse Tee". Are you ready ? Alright.
One of my dogs ate the feces of a homeless man on the way to the vet. Of course, it was Anna as Nicholas wont eat anything with sauce. I had to try and pull the offending matter out of her mouth with my bare hands! We stunk! I wonder what the nutrition counter would list this meal as.
It made me think. My anti-malaria drove me to question my sanity. I hallucinated. I saw the bright red grip tape on my old skateboard as a moving mass of demarara sugar. My judgement seems impaired, things irritate me... people are mean!
They drive too fast, they talk to fast. People carry anger around like those fashionable backpacks. But their all actors. In public, they behave certain "ways". You know, at work and with their friends over dinners at popular bar and grills. They chat and laugh. They call girls who look like me "Elvira" , they call girls who look like me "Morticia" .
Whatever. Nice unhappy life. Nice weekend-warrior-rollerblading-SUV-decaf-see-a-movie-life. Nice implants, good luck with your health. Nice dairy, good luck with your health. Nice bulimia, good luck with your health. Nice anti-depressant action, good luck with your health. Nice speeding, good luck with your health.
Everyone thinks they got problems. Wanna know a problem? Over 1 billion people in the world have no access, thats NO access, to safe drinking water. And YOUR upset because you can't get those new DC's? Wanna know a problem? The mobile phone. We're all gonna die of brain cancer!! Wanna know a problem? Jeering, hooting men with rohipnoyl in their back pockets. You already KNOW at least 5 females whove been RAPED... and you dont even know it. Wanna know a problem? The threat of nuclear war in India and in Pakistan. It could all be OVER overnight. Wanna know a problem? The homeless. Which brings me back to the SHIT BREATH of my bijon fresai. The shit shouldn't be there in the first place, because whoever had to go . Had NO PLACE to go . That's fucked!!
We are a complacent, apathetic society. We are jackasses!! We are all squirrels hoarding for ourselves. We need to say something and not care if its been said before. We need to be responsible for our actions. We need to be more helpful. We need to be more thoughtful. I need to practice compassion for the fuckwads who are the proveyers of violence. I need to relax. I need to exhale. I need to meditate. My mind is racing. My mind is a chattering monkey.
Nicholas's mind is on fire with paranoia. Anastasia has shit-for-brains. After all, you are what you eat. I could use a cup of chai. Nicholas thinks hes Gandhi. He's on a hunger strike. And Anastasia, would like another hot steaming bowl of shaaaiiisssaaaa.
there are many things in this world that incredibly bother me. but this blog is not about that ... for today i suppose. i am sitting at big red's shes playing ps2 and jay has food poisoning... what a nice little world.
honestly.. i feel so empty.. im trying SO hard right now to be happy.. and its just gone. i think its because my old house is finally gone. the more i thought about it, the more i realized there were only bad memories flooding that place. so many.. i looked at every wall and the doors and they were caked with misery and pain. i remember the day we moved in. i was 7 (so so long ago) and my bed still hadnt arrived so i sat in my new bedroom which seemed so big, and played with my plastic horses. i remember the first time i fell down those stairs(such a clutz), i remember the day we brought my dog home (shes still alive just so you know) and i remember so many bad things.. are the good memories enough to wipe away the bad? i dont even know. its just, no matter how many times i left, and how long i was gone for.. that place has always been home.. i remember when my step-grandfather helped build our driveway (whats weird is big reds dad helped too even before we became friends) and i remember the way i hated the sound of my stepdads chevy rumbling in the back driveway and the headlights on my bedroom window... the feeling of oppressive fear and anxiety even when i was little. i remember my face being smashed up against the front door which my mother so lovingly painted with a mural, i remember everything and it really hurts. i remember evan and jared, my 2 best friends who lived next door. we even had a gate in between the fences to slip through. its long since been locked and all my childhood memories locked down with it.
why do i even care? i dont know. its just im really going to miss it. i always told myself it would be our house forever. i was so naive. such a little girl. i feel like crying but i wont. i even remember when i was 13 and i looked out my window and saw a kitten in my garbage can. i ran outside and picked her out and carried her in and i have loved her every day since then ( except once when she violated my suede skirt, i was very unhappy) but otherwise, i think all the good ones might be enough for me. i hope so. because it is probably the most unique house on that block, incredibly bright blue (rocky mountain blue to be precise) which my color blind grandpa thought would be very nice... .... i just regret not having a farewell party... some old people bought it for their daughter.. i bet shes ungrateful and snotty. i hope not though, that would break my heart. i want her to love that house and all the work that went into it. ESPECIALLY my old bedroom in the basement. the walls were painted all over in blue with clouds. she had just fucking better appreciate everything. im sorry if she reads this, whoever she is. because i really do want her to love it. in my mind im just scared that she'll be some college bimbo who will destroy it and paint hippie shit on the walls... or turn it into a crackhouse, wait!! why do i care? its not mine anymore. oh well.. ill drive by in a year and if its run down and ruined... ill probably have a good cry. then ill find her and smack her silly. ive gone batshit insane. threatning some woman i dont even know. ha ha ha... yes... indeed.
I vaguely remember waking up at about 130-2 am and being angry about something, and feeling the need to write a blog about it. But now its 8:23am and I have no fucking clue what I was angry about. Stupid weather change has destroyed my recently aquired sleeping habits... now it seems I go to sleep on the spot wherever I am regardless of how much I slept that day. It vexes me, you all have no idea.
The Blade Trinity soundtrack was an incredibly big disappointment. I only like 2 songs, I think I only liked the movie because of Ryan Reynolds (nngggghhhh *drool*) and Dominic Purcell.... double wammy... .... .... anyways... I think my life is getting boring. Im sick of not going out and partying. I feel old SO VERY OLD ... so tonight me and Firecrotch are going to the Whiskey... probably just so she can see the male strippers... blah blah blah they dont excite me that much, because someone told me 80% of male strippers are gay. So even if its not true, its still ruined for me. And no, Im not drinking myself into a coma like last time.. that just wasnt very much fun. Oh and Im buying new boots today... "Call me a freak, but I dont hear the words you speak" ... Im so excited... I love shoes... yes yes yes I do..
Oh yeah, what the hell is with everyone lately? Everyones all pissy and whiny , and Im not.. Im all happy and lalalalalaalalala .... ok ill shutup now I need to sleep some more but I cant.. with my luck I'll fall asleep in the mall or something. erlaCK!!
Oh i simply just HAD to post this, it was much too funny not to... in the conversation of someone i have come to loathe and despise and yet forgave. its just too funny... i love it.
Forgive me, lord, for all this hate. I simply am inebriate says:
tell him to rot in hell and learn about a magic device known as a razor.
*Tachae* ~ <> n19 <> sleep for a thousand years, cry me a thousand tears says:
ahahahahahahahaa
*Tachae* ~ <> n19 <> sleep for a thousand years, cry me a thousand tears says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA
*Tachae* ~ <> n19 <> sleep for a thousand years, cry me a thousand tears says:
magic device
Once again Im busy being negative and over-analyzing everything. To my absolute amazement and suprise the weekend didn't go half as bad as I thought it might. Although, me and Steve-o got lost on our way to Ikea, which in itself is fucking horrible.. Its right off deerfoot. yeah, Im a moron. But overall the weekend wasn't as bad as Id like to say ... because we all know how negative Tachae' is. Yes. Very Negative. I still have that tight feeling in my chest. Im WAITING for that horrible moment that I know is on my horizon. ITS THERE. i can taste it.
The next question is.... what if the horrible moment doesnt come??? what the fuck do i do then??? will i forever just wait with this pain in my chest like I cant breathe? I know as soon as I relax and start believing everything is ok, it wont be. So I'll forever stay in this void.. I told Steve-o tonight i felt like running home locking myself in my room and never coming out, and Ill raise cats and get old and avoid everyone. I think he feels bad for me, and I hate that. FUcking pity, as much as I joke about wanting it, I HATE it... absolutely loathe it.
Damn it all.. I have a ton of work to do , its 2:47 am and I think I need to crash so Ill actually wake up and do things normal people do. Just to fit in. Damn the doctors appointment at 10 am.... I want to call and cancel but I know its a reeeeeally bad idea. boo frickity hoo Tachae' ... GET IT IN GEAR *slams head on table* (in repetitive fashion) huzzah huzzah i spelled repetitive right, i just checked it... yes i have no life.. and no i dont care at the current moment in time... goodnight little kiddies i miss you all .
I lied when I told him I didn't really care. I lied when I said I didn't really love him. But how could I not? He's just so heartbreakingly unreachable and thats what I really love. I dont love him, I love the idea of him. After so long, I never really knew. I grew up so fast in the last year. I lied when he asked me things. But why? I cant even answer that right now. I feel like I'm locked out of my own house with the cold coming from inside me.
Im sick of this being about me. Im sick of this being about you. Sometimes I want to get up and scream "STOP" but in my mind Im only lying to myself. Im only watching myself die one minute at a time and it feels good because its the only normal thing I know. After it's all over, I cant even remember what Ive done. I know, but I cant remember the details. I wonder if I become someone else. Someone far darker and uninhibited thats within me. Then I remember Im just crazy and its ok.
I lie when I talk about who I am. This girl they all see, its not me. Why do we always have to be someone we're not? The perfect girl wants to be the whore. The whore wants to be the perfect girl. Is there no fucking self worth? Just live. Ive lied and cheated the world for far too long and Im tired. I feel old. You'll say Im not , but what do you know? Im just that girl to you. That you never knew. Did you wish you'd bothered now? Do you ever think about anyone but yourself? This wasnt written in anger. This was written as a question. Like a flash at the corner of your eye. Your not even who I thought you were. Im not who I thought I was. I know its not just me. I know its not all my fault. No matter what they say. But you, you looked in my eyes and I knew I was living that lie. Right at that second. I knew. And I didnt stop it.
Self-abuse is the only what we make it . I realize now, I never really wanted you. I lie over and over again until I cant even remember the pure unadulterated innocence of what it was meant to be. Like a fairy tale that hits your veins harder than heroin and feeling everything real go right back out into the world. Everything you think is beautiful is only beautiful to you. Everyone else might think its ugly. Grotesque even. But to you, for that one breif moment you can love it. Then its gone. Im still lying.. I can't ever stop . Because if I do, you'll see who I really am. And that in itself, is worse than dying one minute at a time.
"I was holding my candle and thinking and thinking about the Sex God and our love that knew no bounds and stretched across the Pacific Ocean. Or was it the Australian Bite? Anyway, our love was stretching across some big watery thing. I think I might have actually nodded off for a little zizz, because I came round to see a small inferno ablaze in front of me. Oh hell's teeth, I has accidentally set fire to an elderly pensioner! The end of her head scarf was blazing merrily and she hadn't even noticed. I started beating the flames out with my handbag. I was trying to help, but she started hitting me back with her handbag. Before I knew it, I was in a handbag fight." (Georgia Nicholson series book 5, pg.23)
Since Im bored and I need a place to keep my ever-growing list of dvd's Im putting it here wether you like it or not. Boo Hoo on all of you.
- From Hell (Johnny Depp, 2002) - Elizabeth (Cate Blanchett, 1998) - Euro Trip (2004) - Freaky Friday (2004) - Rock My World - Almost Famous (2000) - Gladiator (2000) - American Beauty (1999) - Seven (Brad Pitt) - The Devil's Own (Brad Pitt) - Waking Ned Devine - Grumpy Old Men (1993) - Funny Face (Audrey Hepburn 1956) - Rebecca (1939) - You've Got Mail (1998) - Fight Club (my favorite, Brad Pitt) - Sunrise (1927) - All About Eve (Bette Davis, 1950) - Gentlemen's Agreement (Gregory Peck, 1947) - Blade (1998) - Blade II - The Fast & The Furious (anyone want this?) - Lord Of The Rings - Harry Potter (yay!) - Full Metal Jacket (1987, AMAZING) - Jackass, the movie (2003) - Jackass Vol. 2 & 3 - Tank Girl (1995, also AMAZING, ok not really but I like it so shut your cake hole) - Gothika (2003) - Pirates Of The Caribbean (2004) - How Green Was My Valley (1941) - Run Lola Run ( LOVE THIS ONE)
theres a ton more I want and such... so feel free to donate =) !! (or not) ( i have alot more but they are packed still and I cant find them)
All around me I see all my friends getting into these horrible meaningless relationships and destroying themselves peice by peice. It makes me so incredibly unhappy, more than anything I see how sad and miserable they are, no matter how much they smile and laugh and tell me its ok. Ive been there and Im still there some days... For instance, a certain friend of mine is playing a dangerous game with their Significant Other. They are playing with gasoline and matches, the SO believes in them completely and gives them love and all that and a bag of chips.. Yet, they continue to deny their existence when the SO is not in the immediate area. You just cant mess with peoples head like that, they just are too young to understand the game that is being played. I refuse to name names, it would be rude. But please, if your reading this, youll know right away that this post is for you.
Stop wasting your time on all these worthless people, stop using your SO . It hurts me so much to see what your doing to yourself. I thought if I told you to your face, that you'd hate me and you'd start thinking I wanted to break you and your SO up. I dont want to do that. I just want you to realize how much it will not only hurt me, that person, and more importantly, yourself. One day , your going to look back and realize how much you miss that someone invested their time and love in you, only to find you were unfaithful and didnt really love them. I know that you dont truly love them . YOU ARE TOO YOUNG stop getting caught up in this crazy world and trying to fall in love at this age. Its a waste of time because you arent ready and thats NORMAL. Just please stop playing all the games. Your heading down adark road and your going to fall and trip. Right now, no matter what I say, you wont listen. And so , I have to let you get hurt on your own so youll understand and then you wont stick your hand on the burner again. Im hoping. Im watching out for you, but you need to take off the blindfold and walk the path on your own. Im sorry.
ok look I've been a nokia supporter since I was like 12 and got my first cell phone, since then ive been through about 10 phones and recently I bought a Nokia 3120 and I loved it because it was tiny and cute and had pictures and stuff. Today, it refused to charge and completely shut down and malfunctioned. Im in tears of rage. RAGE!! Im going to sue them until they bleed out the ass. Thats right. I am so sick of this happening... maybe its just me... maybe phones dont like me... as much as I love them and I have been SO good to this phone... I love it and it does this to me.
I am just so choked. CHOKED I SAY!!! Doom on all of you cell phone companies, you do this on purpose I KNOW IT. ok Im done for now. FOR NOW ...
Wait, I might hesitate Am I a minute too late? Please Lord, I need to know This pressure's got me lettin' go If I'm wrong,will I still carry on And end up where I belong? I've never felt this way before I've never come so close I've never worn so thin I'm stepping out Instead of closing in Left myself behind When I made up my mind No turnin' back this time This is my new design Sometimes I feel so alone It feels like I'm standing out here on my own I've never felt so far from home It's comin' on, it hits me When I step outside my zone Cause sometimes, I feel so alone It feels like I'm standing out here on my own I've never felt so far from home It's comin' on, it hits me When I step outside my zone I see what you're doin' to me Could have been you so easily You look the other way Even though we were close the other day And I'm still tryin' to get up this hill I need you just like a pill Do you get the feelin' Everything will be alright? I'm movin' So pleased to meet you But I am movin' on Tried to pass it to another But it's comin' on I can't wait to find out Break me, can't seem to climb out Of this hole, I'm stuck again If I'm not out in a minute I'm jumpin' in Let's start again I'm sick of this Let's just get it out Are ya feelin' it? Move back Ya wanna feel how real it is Let's just get it out Are ya feelin' it? Move back Ya wanna feel how real it is
every time i think about you i get this bitter taste in my mouth every time i reach out to talk to you i feel sick all over every time you walk by you hurt me you tear down my walls you can have my body but you can never have my soul i hate you, when i think of you i feel dirty so very dirty like a whore you made me dirty tarnished and wronged i let you do it
- by ME... i was listening to NIN and felt like writing i dont care if it sucks , lick me
Ive already expressed my views on this Asian "Crisis" , I have NO sympathy for them , well maybe a little. It is somewhat sad, but still ... I do not believe in pouring money into their country, when CLEARLY this happened for a reason. Mother Nature is just doing a clean sweep of the most populated areas. Boo fucking hoo, I notice the Canadian Government is always bitching that they have no money, we're always getting tax hikes and so on, yet... suddenly... theres some 40-odd million dollars being shimmied on over to those poor fuckers. These views expressed are soley my own and if anyone has a problem with them, they can send letters of complaint to my email -> tachae_m@hotmail.com . And I feel insomniak better explained the tsunami.http://http://www.doomworld.com/blog/?user=Insomniak
For those of you too lazy to click the link, I'll copy it down for you.
"Another new year, poisoned and dulled in our minds by the faked tsunami coverage on CNN. This is all stock footage recorded during the Florida hurricane season, 50 ethnic extras were hired from Bollywood, being told that they were to be in a "end of the world" movie starring a leading American actor. They were paid their weight in cocktail peanuts. Flooding scenes were filmed in indoor government wave pools on grainy handheld videocameras. All aid money and food supplies are going to Iraq. This sort of event will spawn a legacy of media horrors. Think "Live Aid 2", think "starving Sri Lanka orphan" infomercials from Christian Childrens Fund. Think being guilted and goaded into giving all your pocketchange to charitable donations and UNICEF boxes. Think advertizer abuse, higher prices on every commercial good, Haliburton contracts, Televagical sermons, copyrighted images. 90% of the Indonesian government is dead, think military dictators, think another American-led war in southeast asia. If you think too hard, the most idiotic of ideas sound perfectly rational and plausable."
I whole-heartedly agree.. and im going to hell at LEAST twice.
Well for those of you who celebrated the new year by getting drunk and puking on each other, congratulations. You are the spalding grey of crahp. Me, on the other hand... I think Im somewhat bitter because I did nothing. It was kindve nice. I watched 3 movies and not one of them was good.
Open Water - terrible terrible plot line, I dont care if its based on "true events" it was shit. Especially the ending. Btw, I am never ever going to let someone throw peices of bait in the water with sharks and me in it , i dont care how much im getting paid.
Anchorman - for all of those who said it was "funny" you can all rot in hell. this was a horrible stinky cheese movie too. the bears were FAKE!!! FAKE I TELL YOU!!!
Wicker Park - oh goodie, another josh hartnett flick. I am so excited... pffttttt.. .he really needs to move on to some worth while movies because this one totally bombed in my books . "psycho girl loves boy, psycho girl tricks boy, boy is stupid, boy believes psycho girl" and then a happy ending. what complete and utter bullshit...
There is not much else to rant and continously bitch about, I cant believe i forgot Bounce's real name. I am such a bitch. Ive been calling him brad for the last 2 months and suddenly he told me thats not his name. Quite embarassing let me tell you. Guess that wrecks my chances of ever convincing him to marry me and run away to europe. . haha
Oh and I watched "Rules of Attraction" last night, at least I hope thats what its called. Anyways, regardless it was one of the funniest movies I ve ever seen. and yet so sad. I almost cried when one of the girls committed suicide. It was very horrible, yet tasteful and beautiful. Not the whole movie, I meant her suicide. The rest of the movie is alot of fucking, talking about fucking, thinking about fucking and masturbation. Yet I still highly recommend it. Theres a good part when one of the guys is in a hotel resteraunt with his mother and his friend and his friends mother, and his friend is piss drunk and starts rambling stuff... "DIIIIIICCCKK!!!" "Richard, what are you taking in school?" "GANG BANG 101, ORAL WORKSHOP" I thought it was quite comical and wonderful >>> Something is wrong with my keyboard and its blitzing OH FUUUCK>>> I go now>> farewell until next time
"The girl who lives there used to be a charming, lovely girl, but she's lost faith in herself...
She's a monster! Infectious human waste! Good luck trying to save her! "
"If I had a tumor, I'd name it Marla."
"Marla... the big tourist. Her lie relfected my lie... So once again, I couldnt sleep."
" Marla's philosophy of life was that she might die at any moment ... The tragedy she said, was that she didnt."
